Of Narrow Woods and Streams
by Goldy257
Summary: Trama in the graveyard started it. Trama in the future is what broke her though. She steps back in time to reclaim what’s hers. Everyone is going to regret what she lost. Power the dark lord knows not. Mpreg (kinda) fem!harry (kinda) dark!harry sev/harry (main) remus/harry (kinda) powerful!harry. Potentially very very dark. Should have a happy ending. And suck at summaries.
1. Prologue one

_Disclaimer: I would LOVE to own HP but I don't. That's all the Genius that is J.K. Rowling._

 _AN:_ _ok gonna start with this is mega dark up front. Sucidal thoughts (not really fully formed but there nonetheless). If you ever have thoughts like these seek help. Friends, family, teach, hotline, psychiatrist. Doesn't matter. Seek help and stay safe. My thoughts and prayers are with you._

 _Non graphic rape. Happened prior to this story. I will not be describing it. We'll get a sort of fade out at some point but no details. I don't have the stomach to do that. This does go into graphic detail of fallout though. At no point is this meant to be a judgment or opinion as to what anyone should do in this situation. This is my plot bunny's story and fiction to boot. Period. No one can or should make this choice for anyone. It's a personal choice and know if nothing else there's one person in the world that will support whatever choice you make. Your choice is the right choice for you. If someone has a problem on that statement I don't wanna hear about. This isn't a choice debate._

 _All REVIEWS about the STORY are welcome. Good bad whatever. If it sucks tell me why. There's a difference between not your cup of tea and bad writing so please be specific._

 _I'm a Slytherin if my snark isn't coming through clear enough. Flames will be met with crucios._

 _1._

She appeared in a deserted area of the Forest of Dean located in Gloucestershire, England.

Where she was from it was no longer called the Forest of Dean. Long ago had the world stopped calling it that. No, the _others_ always called it something else. The Black Forest. The cursed forest. Forest of forgotten souls. Kinder souls, rare though they were, called it the Forest of Tears. She called it nothing. What does one call the place that was once home to your living soul and later home to your greatest pain. Pain beyond reckoning. Sorrow so great tears could never be wept for it. Rage so vast it consumed everything in its path like a raging fire.

There had been no tears since that night so many decades ago. The beginning of the end for the world. Theirs... and hers. Her screams that night had wrent great gashes in the sky filled with death and decay. Nothing for many miles in any direction had survived that night. Not human muggle or wizard. Not animal deer or unicorn. Not enchanted creatures elves or centaurs. Everything was laid to waste, blackened and charred to ash. A dead monument without, to what her heart and soul became within.

The Forest in which she stood now bore little resemblance to the Forest she had come from. Even before that night it hadn't looked like this. This forest was newer still. Magic of any kind had yet to touch it, though the magic was gathering.

Around her the maelstrom of magic that had forshadowed her appearance continued to gather and rage. It would be some time before it settled. As much as she would have preferred to stay and meet those she knew would come, both from this place and from where she'd come there wasn't time for that.

While violence and vengeance had been her way for some time her mission here was something else entirely. Some other plan all who knew her, or knew of her, would never imagine she was capable of. How quickly they'd forgotten who'd she'd been while in terror of discovery of what she was. What they'd turned her into.

It mattered very little. Everything had played how more or less how the _bastard_ had planned. So embossed on their very souls, practically seared in their flesh, those plans had been no one could wretch free of them... not even her. He wouldn't be surprised when they ran to him with tales of horror. He'd comfort them with promises of containment and protection while also sheltering her. After all her time hadn't come yet. She was still needed.

Rather he was still needed. She would be hunted to the very ends of the earth but she wouldn't be found. Not yet. Not ever. Not how they were expecting.

She smiled a little. _Power the dark lord knows not._ Power they all knew not. It wasn't what he thought. That he hadn't planned. Couldn't plan. Couldn't even fathom. Not yet. But he would. She'd see to it. He'd know exactly the power she had.

Where his plans were seared into her soul and flesh she'd sear her's into his eyes, his heart, his lying deceitful tongue, into the marrow of his bones.

With a crack she disappeared from the forest that she'd once called home. A forest that would never be her home again. To a forest of a different kind.

HPHPHPHP

Harry felt ill. More than ill, he felt down right wretched. Like his internal organs were trying to become his external organs as he sat hunched over the toilet in the second floor girls bathroom. He knew what was wrong of course. At first he'd convinced himself it was some kind of survivors guilt. After the third task. After the graveyard.

"Don't think about it, don't think about it, nothing worse than that happened."

He was lying of course. To himself and everyone else. But what could he do. There was no one to go to with... this. Even if his parents were alive he'd act no differently. This wasn't something you told. Not now, not ever.

He'd landed in the graveyard. The rat had murdered Cedric. His blood had been stolen to resurrect Voldemort. Then... the death eaters were summoned. Torture. Fake dual. Escape. Moody. Then truth "he's back, Voldemort's back". Then lies. "That's it, that's all that happened."

Harry had never been the most gifted liar in the world but desperation, horror, terror, shame, and so many more emotions there just wasn't enough room to feel them all at the same time culminated in making it so no one had questioned his story too deeply. Why would they? Murder, torture, attempt murder, wasn't that enough?!?

As Harry's stomach made its displeasure at the world known he wished "if only that was enough." He didn't even consider telling anyone. Not Sirus. Not Remus. Certainly not Hermione or Ron. Gods just the thought of telling them made him wretch harder.

At first it just hadn't happened. It was as simple as that. Lost and forgotten in the horror of that night. If he couldn't forget it in his dreams... well time would force it away soon enough. It was easy to blame the mood swings and the constant sickness on his sleepless nights and anger at his friends ignoring him over the summer.

By October when his stomach started rounding oddly he was surely losing his mind. Perhaps some horrible wizard version of a venereal disease. He was a wizard. Those were really the only 2 options.

By November though _really_ he wasn't blind. Despite the circumstances that led him to grimmauld place it afforded Harry an opportunity. The Black family's library. There really was no way to do the kind of research he needed here at Hogwarts without either alerting Madam Pince or Hermione. But with Mr. Weasley still recovering it allowed Harry opportunities to sneak away.

Wizards could not in fact get pregnant. _But_ some wizard lines, those that held dying out in greater disdain than homophobia had taken certain measures to insure their bloodlines could continue. The Blacks being prominent among those "forward thinking" bloodlines. It was vaguely laughable considering their other prejudices. Metamorphmagus was the "lesser" version. Tonks could change into anything really, anyone. But the change was really only superficial. Fundamentally on a genetic level she was still Tonks. She was always _she_ , whatever she may look like on the outside. This was also the more common Black trait.

Hermaphroditemagus was the greater desired Black trait. Harry could not give himself a duck bill for a nose or change his hair violent pink. He could however shift between 2 forms. Male and female. Both technically were still fundamentally Harry as well, but where Tonk's gender remained static in her DNA, Harry's did not. Puberty was a time for both Harry's genders to develop.

So that night in the graveyard, while his outside had most definitely been male it seems his inside was either some combination of both or simply female. That he had conceived during... (he still could not bring himself to call it sex or worse anything beginning with the letter R) was just further proof of the Blacks dedication to furthering their bloodline. A Hermaphroditemagus could conceive during pretty much any type of penetrative sex except oral sex. Regardless of what gender they were at the time. Honestly there hadn't been one in the Black line in about 300 years so the mechanics where a bit sketchy.

Harry had smuggled any books he could out of the Black library now that he was back a Hogwarts hoping for... what? A solution? What solution?

The books where clear, while Harry was capable of conceiving as a male, carrying and most certainly delivering a child as a male was not only a bad idea it was potentially fatal to both of them. Likely impossible without intervention. Certainly the only way to get the child out of his male body was to cut it out.

Part of Harry still wasn't processing even the assault itself, let alone its aftermath. Another part accepted by doing nothing he was in essence making a decision for both of them. While still the smallest part of him yet, the part that hadn't aimed his wand at his middle and cast a blasting curse or thrown himself down the stairs or even really been breathing too deeply the fumes in potions class if he could avoid it, was still too also making a choice.

Harry sighed. There was a choice in there he was making without making it. What that choice was yet he wasn't yet able to admit to himself.

He'd just come from his first occlumency lesson. When Snape had seen Cedric in the graveyard the horror Harry had felt could only be rivaled by the horror that he'd actually experienced that night. So great in fact he'd practically bodily thrown Snape from his mind. He couldn't do it. There was no way. He was only half way through this nightmare happening to his body. He couldn't hide it from the outside world and hide it from Snape from within his own mind.

He'd had no idea what occlumency lessons would be like. That Snape of all people would be the one to discover this was partially to blame for the current state of his stomach. Course going through pregnancy male, his stomach didn't need much excuse to rebel. The symptoms laughingly called morning sickness (more like every second sickness) hadn't really faded since they'd started up mid August.

Finally after what felt like an age he stopped his pathetic wrenching. There hadn't been anything left to throw up for probably an hour at least but his body had put up a valiant effort.

Harry half crawled half limped to the sinks to wash his mouth out. Looking at himself in the mirror he couldn't help but marvel at how truly awful he looked. It occurred to him then he really wasn't going to survive this. He was too tired to care much. Not so tired he'd hasten his end but not willing to face the reality of what had happened that night to ask for help. And a very tiny part of him not willing to end the life inside of him to save himself.

His feeling for the child was less disgust at the child itself and more a general unwillingness in his own mind to acknowledge its existence. If it was there he had to think about how it got there and he couldn't. He could in some way acknowledge there was a child involved in this mess (separate from himself of course) and when he did that he could make plans.

It couldn't stay here. Hogwarts wasn't safe. Hell nowhere in the world would be safe for this child. Hunted by both sides (careful...). It couldn't stay here. Somewhere hidden. Somewhere far away. Somewhere safe. Occlumency. How the bleeding hell?!?

Harry put his head in his hands. Ok plans. Occlumency was the immediate threat. Snape couldn't be allowed in his mind again. Library. There had to be occlumency books. Hermione. This at least she could help with.

After occlumency he already had a way out of the castle to get the child out. There was a way through the chamber of secrets. Straight into the forest. From there... where?!? Occlumency first.

Harry grabbed his bag from the floor and slipped his invisibility cloak out. He left to make his way to the tower. He never questioned why the entire time he was there Myrtle never made a sound nor did he see her from where she watched in one of the cubicles worry etched on every line of her face.

HPHPHPHPHP

AN: K that's the prologue. Should be longer cuz there's more plot points than that but 1:30am. Must sleep. Hitting the ground running here. This is NOT a Harry/Voldemort. Though obviously there's this going on. No romance though. Straight up bad guy here. Couple of things. One. Desperate need of a beta. Two. This is actually a pretty fully formed plot bunny that's been bugging me. Go figure haven't written in years and never for HP. That said if there's a co-author out there who wants to help me flesh this out I'd be happy for the collaboration. In particular if someone can help me format on crazy that'd be awesome. Thanks.


	2. Prologue Two

_Disclaimer: Still don't own it. Would love to though._

 _AN: This is turning into a monster beast of a story. My outline I just finished was a small novel on its own. So arguably this is still part of the prologue. Setting up characters. And amazingly not even done yet. I'm going back and forth on Dumbledore. Not sure if I want to expand him much more than the books cuz let's be honest. Pig for slaughter pretty gives ya all you could need. Remus still needs proper introducing. I kinda feel I might need the golden trio too. Buuuuuuuut ahhhh I need them in the front half and then I don't know what to do with them in the back half. Bah choices choices._

 _Before anyone loses their minds over OCs...don't. I needed them. For reasons actually explain here in this chapter I couldn't use an existing character for this character. That said besides the 3 I mentioned by name this isn't going to be a long list of folks you're going to remember. I'm probably gonna kill them off at some point._

 _If you're looking for a visual of female harry think Morgana Pendragon from Merlin. Complete with those outfits pretty much. That's kinda perfect for what's in my head. Ravenna mentioned below think Lagertha from Vikings. Maybe add some grey hair but pretty much that. Wizards/Witches live 130-150 years. 70s just about middle aged. The actress who plays Lagertha is only 39 so you can age up a bit but don't go crazy._

 _I promise as we move along AN will get significantly shorter and less. Right now we're still setting the stage as it were._

 _Onwards and forwards_.

 _2._

The sky cracked. Once, twice, half dozen times, a dozen times, two dozen times. It was the strangest storm the county of Gloucestershire had ever seen. Despite that, the few people that were in the area felt no need to get any closer. As if some invisible force was tutting in their minds discouraging them. The 45 witches and wizards standing in the clearing neither knew nor cared. They were here for a purpose.

For the first time in decades there was a chance. Death's own bringer of destruction was for the first time vulnerable. The walking plague upon the earth. No one knew why'd she'd chosen to open the maelstrom. The worst case scenario floated around what was left of what would have once been called the Auror Corp was she was coming back to join Voldemort.

She was virtually indestructible on her own. No one had forgotten that it was she that had destroyed Voldemort in the first place. Even if she never joined him, it was unlikely he'd be defeated in the next decade without her. With her at his side... it didn't bear contemplating.

Still Ravenna was one of those that found that scenario unlikely. For all the creatures' destruction and chaos, there was never any indication it was him she regretted. Him she longed for. It wasn't his name that brought terror to all that heard it. A foreshadowing of her presence. There were names. Names everyone living wanted to forget but never dared to for fear they'd miss the warning hearing one of those names would mean. His, either born or crafted name, was not one of those names.

Ravenna looked around the forest clearing. She didn't need to know where'd she'd been to recognize this place. She hadn't been there that night. She'd been on the outskirts of this forest other nights, but not that night. She wouldn't be standing here now had she'd been there that night. No one had survived that night save the darkness that had caused it.

She shivered. Despite being a rough woman nearing her 70s now, she couldn't shake the cold seeping in her bones at remembered destruction in this place. A place of darkness. A place until now after more than 50 years no one dare tread.

There really was no comparing the fields of corpses. The smell of pain and despair that she'd witnessed in other fields to this place. Visions that she knew that would haunt her even beyond her own death. Things that could never be unseen. Somehow though this place was still the worst.

They had a chance though. Using the creatures' own maelstrom they were here and could strike at it before it even had a chance to level the world of magic and mundane as effectively as it had.

"Should we set up camp ma'am?"

"No. Not here. Not in this place. We need to find shelter before we begin searching for the creature."

They had no way of knowing _when_ exactly they were going when they stepped through the maelstrom. The could narrow it to within a few years but for now their exact time was a mystery.

"Should we wait for the current ministry. Surly they've detected this," said Fey a would have been unspeakable had anything resembling a ministry still been standing where they'd come from.

Ravenna had more history with the creature of death than most. Her instincts told her that's what it'd be expecting. Nothing good ever came from doing with the creature expected. "No. For now we move in shadow. Smith, where's the safe house you located?"

Alexander Smith was Ravenna's second in command. The son of a former school mate of the creature. One of the few who actually knew what it had been called before the reckoning.

The reckoning that would bring the death of this forest. The end of the international statute of secrecy and the end of life much as it had been known. The dawn of the creatures rein of terror. Ravenna shivered again.

"North ma'am. Give me 5 minutes and I'll have the port keys set."

Ravenna nodded and signaled for the others to spread out. Be on the look out for incoming. It wasn't necessary to look for the creature. If she'd still been here they'd know it. Ravenna was more concerned about the current Ministry of Magic, Death Eaters, or members of the Order if they were still standing. She didn't need to communicate any of that. Her people knew what to do.

While assistance would be good in truth no one from this time could really be much help. They simply weren't prepared. Further if there was any chance of killing the creature then they couldn't afford to grant her the slightest advantage by playing into her hand.

Even as powerful as the creature was, opening the maelstrom would have weakened it. And where none of her team had breathed in this time... the creature did. For all her power she was subject to the same laws of magic they all were. While she could bend and twist them not even she could break them entirely. 2 of the same soul could not live in the same time indefinitely. Her magic already existed here. Drawn for the ether, from the earth, maybe in her case from hell itself. She and her past self would inevitably drain each other. Since this time belonged to her younger self his claim was the greater. The longer she stayed the weaker she'd become.

No one believed she was ignorant of this. No one in this clearing believed she didn't have a plan. A work around or at least a terrible purpose before she possibly opened another maelstrom and returned home. The plan or purpose though was anyone's guess. Despite all the nightmare scenarios Ravenna and her team had brainstormed in truth each one was as likely or unlikely as the next.

There had been no sign. No gathering of power or forces. No great preparation for this. One day had been as horrific as the last. The next the maelstrom stood for all to see.

Those not living in this time were gathered and they'd followed. This was an opportunity that couldn't be missed. Whatever the creatures' plan, she'd weaken herself in the execution of it. This was their one chance. Maybe their only chance. If she could be destroyed, it would be here and now.

"The port keys are done ma'am."

"Let's go. Groups of 11 to 12. Quickly"

Gathering around the 4 large stone that'd been converted to port keys the teams vanished. Had they remained even a minute longer, they'd have been caught in the anti-apparition and anti-port key wards erected by Albus Dumbledore.

HPHPHPHPHP

"There's no one here Albus but we didn't miss them by much," said Remus glancing around. It wasn't obvious to anyone who didn't know him but to those that did could detect his subtle tells of sniffing the air. "Whoever was here was a large group. 30 at least."

Standing in the clearing that had seen more activity in the last 2 hours than it had seen in the last decade was Albus Dumbledore, Remus Lupin, Alastor Moody, Bill Weasley, and Severus Snape.

Despite seeing a great many things in his life, Dumbledore had never seen a phenomenon like what had been recorded just hours ago. More than half of the devices in his office had either begun spinning wildly, smoking uncontrollably, or emitting unintelligible sparks. A few had out and out exploded. All of them were in some way or another connected to Harry Potter. That in and of itself though didn't mean Harry was involved or even affected by this strange occurrence. The devices were meant to monitor his home, his power, his physical location, and a few of the more unreliable ones his emotional well-being. Unreliable, mostly because as a teenager the devices couldn't differentiate between teenage moodiness and genuine instability. And certainly if instability was present it couldn't determine a cause.

While all of these devices were focused on Harry they weren't designed specific for him. Simply placed on a "Harry Potter" setting. The intensity of this storm, whatever it was, may simply have been so powerful that it interfered with the readings.

Aware of the probability of Harry's involvement didn't diminish Dumbledore's concerns. With Tom's return things were accelerating quickly. There simply wasn't time for another unrelated crisis at the moment.

Albus had already questioned Severus and knew at least as far has his spy knew this was not Tom's doing. Kingsley was at the Ministry now to see what they'd detected and more importantly what they were making of it. A magical storm like this wouldn't have gone unnoticed.

The devices in his office gave him a quicker chance to find the epicenter but the storm itself was detectable with even the crudest lightning rod. Those wizards sensitive to magic had felt some stirring in the air hundreds of miles away without any additional intervention.

"Anything Alastor?"

Moody's eye was spinning so rapidly it looked like a demented child's toy. "There's too much residual magic in the air to get any kind of accurate clue," he grunted. "This is like nothing I've ever heard described let alone seen Albus."

"There were wards here. Crude and quickly put both up and down. I'd guess just a detection network more than anything," commented Bill thoughtfully as he wandered towards the outer most edges of the clearing and began circling. With his wand in hand he began trying to sense exactly what wards specifically had been used. Different wizards depending on what parts of the world they hailed from tended to use different types. They all essentially did the same thing but subtle variations in warning cues, detection methods, and sensitivity could give them an idea about who'd been there. All magic left traces. At least for a time.

"There's...something here," Severus drawled slowly. Some darkness that was fading already but was still palpable in the air. He wasn't sure how to describe it. It was older than the other magical signatures he too could also sense. It wasn't the Dark Lord. Of that he was certain.

The darkness was... difficult to describe. Darkness typically felt suffocating. Drowning. This could be terrifying or comforting depending on your own magical orientation. This was that but something more. There was a presence that didn't usually accompany such things. Not a person but some additional something that felt almost sentient. Or perhaps it was the absence of what was usually absent. Some excess that wasn't usually there. It felt, not familiar, but not unknown. Like the vaguest memory of a dream.

He shook his head. He wasn't even making sense in his own mind. "I can't describe it. Darkness somehow that's not."

"What rubish does that mean?" Moody growled through his teeth. More frustrated at his own ability to sense the not darkness but unable to describe it but never willing to give Snape an inch.

"There's dark magic here I'm unfamiliar with," Snape sneered decisively. He wasn't going to make a fool of himself gibbering further on something he simply didn't have adequate language to describe. Not a problem he normally suffered but there it was.

"Could this be Tom's doing without informing anyone?" Albus asked. He didn't really think so but Severus would perhaps be better able to recognize Tom's signature than he. If for no other reason than sheer familiarity.

"No. This isn't the Dark Lord."

"Mighty sure for a boy who just said he didn't have a clue," Moody snarled angrily

"Not knowing what it is doesn't preclude me from knowing what it isn't," Snape said in a tone that indicated this was a concept he'd expected his first years to grasp on their first lesson.

Moody opened his mouth to retort but Remus beat him to it. "There's a scent here I recognize. It's too faded to place it but I've smelt it before."

"Very well," said Albus. "There seems to be little else to gather here. Severus, you and I must return to the school before Dolores detects our absence. Remus, Alastor, Mr. Weasely please do not linger here. No doubt the Ministry will be coming to make their own inquiries soon. Best not to be caught dawdling"

Nods from everyone and Albus and Severus turned on the spot.

HPHPHPHPHP

The walk back to his quarters in the dungeons was uneventful. Unsurprising given it was nearly 2am. He was grateful nonetheless. A full day of classes, occlumency with Potter, then the call from Albus to come help investigate the source of some magical disturbance.

Severus would've like nothing more than to be sliding between his bedsheets but he wasn't a fool. A magic storm like that couldn't fail to catch the Dark Lord's notice. He'd be calling soon. He'd expect Dumbledore to investigate. As the only one in the Order with any true experience with the Dark Arts of course Dumbledore would take him. The Dark Lord would wait until the Ministry was on site, sure his spy was no longer in the headmaster's presence, then summon him.

Severus settled himself in his armchair to wait. He'd have liked to have a tumbler of fire whiskey but appearing before the Dark Lord with anything less than complete control of his faculties was just asking to be tortured. He settled for preparing himself a cup of tea from the service that was already sitting on the coffee table.

While he waited for the inevitable summons he began to meditate. Not full meditation, just the partial sinking into his own mind enough to sort through his memories of the day.

Potter. How had he allowed Dumbledore to convince him to participate in that farce? Oh the boy had some talent in occlumency that was for sure. Or rather was desperate enough either to hide certain memories from Snape or simply not relive them at all. Severus frowned. Perhaps both.

The boy had two marked strategies to pushing him out of his mind. Calling them strategies was being charitable, more like reactions. Thoughtless. Severus snorted.

The first was instinctive and was triggered by embarrassment. He went for his wand. Low level jinks or hexes. Considering he'd battled the Dark Lord using an expelliarmus that seemed in line with his character.

He frowned. The other though was something else entirely. Any time Severus had gotten a glimpse of what he could only assume was the night of the Dark Lord's resurrection. Chaos. Panic. Horror. Terror. The tidal wave of emotions alone might have been enough to force a lesser legilimens from Potter's mind. The force of Potter's mind ejecting him though was quite impressive outside the emotions. Like a sledgehammer to the skull. Desperate even.

Most of those emotions Severus could quantify with everything he knew about the Gryffindor boy. It wasn't what the world would want to see in their perfect savior but understandable in a 15 year old. The terror, the fear, that wasn't something Severus would expect though. To some degree perhaps. Severus admitted in his own mind at least that the boy wasn't a total fool even if he vocally said quite the opposite loudly and publicly. To that degree though. _That_ was unexpected. That indicated Potter was either intimately more aware of just what and who the Dark Lord was than just about anyone but himself or was quite the accomplished actor. Playing the part of the Gryffindor golden boy while inwardly quacking with fear.

Severus was more inclined to believe the former than the latter but it begged the question how. Potter was hiding something that was for sure. As Severus sipped his cooling tea he let his mind wander through the entire encounter with Potter that night. Allowed his conscious mind to quite and simply observe and catalogue while the memories played from start to finish.

This would be more efficient with a pensive but waiting as he was there wasn't time to set that up.

Chaos. That was easy enough. As soon as Potter realized what memories he was in, his mind would descend into chaos. It wasn't so much an emotion present in the memory itself as it was a general awareness of the state of Potter's mind in the present.

Panic. There was panic related to his viewing the memories but the bulk of that emotion seemed to actually be a part of the memory itself. There was a moment in the graveyard where Potter had panicked. Perhaps longer than a moment. Panicked so deeply he'd lost a sense of himself or even awareness of his surroundings.

 _Hmmmm maybe not so in line with Potter then_ , Severus thought swirling his tea.

Surely the boy had panicked in such situations before. The mental image of a 60 foot basilisk vs a 12 year old came to mind. Still he rose above his panic. Centered himself and reacted. Thoughtlessly and foolishly perhaps but not blindly.

Horror. Severus thought on that one. Being an occlumens required complete awareness of your emotions and your mind. Horror was different than terror in this case.

 _Noun: an intense feeling of fear, shock, or disgust,_ he thought

In this case Severus was leaning towards shock or disgust since Potter seemed to be feeling an intense version of fear quite separate from this emotion. Diggory's death then? Hmmm. Shock disgust. Severus sipping the last of his tea and made another cup.

Terror. This was the crippling one. To a degree they all were but this emotion had stopped Potter. Full stop. More so than even the panic. The panic was numbing. It erased all awareness. This one heightened everything. Turned the volume up to ear bleeding. Lights up to blinding. Potter couldn't function in this state. No one could.

Severus sighed. Potter was never going to be able to master occlumency. Not in this state. His nerves were exposed. That memory was like inflicting the cruciatus curse. There was no working around it. It would be like asking someone to breathe without lungs. Couldn't be done. This is why he'd refused Albus when he'd first come to him. Mastering occlumency required mastering yourself. Your mind. Your emotions. Your past. Your traumas. You had to work through them. It was difficult on your own as Severus had done it but possible. Easier with a teacher but you _HAD_ to trust that teacher. There was no trust between Potter and him.

It didn't matter he'd sworn his life to protect the boy. Potter didn't believe that and even if he did that wasn't enough. Potter needed to feel safe with him to learn occlumency and physical safety was only one aspect of that.

He'd have to talk to the Headmaster again. He couldn't teach the boy. Almost anyone would be better. While part of his mind planned his conversation with Dumbledore the other part planned for how he would handle Dumbledore's expected answer. Perhaps he could force the boy to wear a ski mask so nothing but his eyes were visible. The glasses would have to go of course.

The mark burned. No solutions were forthcoming anyway.


	3. Prologue three

_AN: This totally could have been 2 chapters but by the time I was done I couldn't be bothered to split it. This marks the end of what I consider the longest prologue in history. Sheesh. Oh well. The main characters are out there now and we're ready to rumble._

 _I will need Ron and Hermione. But they are going to be slightly OOC. This also marks where I start messing with cannon slightly. The same events happened but Ron and Hermione have been squirreling away to parts unknown for years._

 _3._

Remus slipped carefully into 12 Grimmauld Place so as not to disturb any of the sleeping portraits. Especially the portrait of Sirus's mother.

After Dumbledore and Snape had left the forest, he'd had to wait 10 minutes or so for Alastor and Bill to also leave. Once Remus was alone in the clearing, he'd allowed himself to get lost in Moony in a way he never did when other people were present.

He'd told Albus the truth. He recognized the scent and he couldn't place it. At least not in any way that made any kind of sense. The scent was female. That was obvious to him. The scent also invoked an immediate and unmistakable response... this scent belonged to a _cub_ from _his_ pack. The scent, or rather the cub the scent belonged to, unequivocally was his.

It was like being on the Hogwarts Express 2 and a half years ago all over again. Smelling Harry again for the first time in over a decade. It'd taken all his self control not to get up and grab him. To not bodily lift him from the seat and place his (much too) small body in his lap and hold him.

Few humans could understand it. Parents, the good loving kind, came closest perhaps but even that bond wasn't quite as consuming as werewolf and cub. A werewolf could eventually, painfully, survive the lose of a mate. Even move on from it and mate again. There was no surviving the loss of a cub. Losing Harry after that Halloween night in 1981 had nearly broken him. _HAD_ broken him in some ways if he was being honest.

A part of him would never forgive Albus Dumbledore for it. He buried that part, aware if he grew too possessive Dumbledore might separate him again. The howl in his soul could have woken the dead had he given it voice.

No. Stop. Albus was like any other wizard. He'd not set out to injure Remus (or Harry) in the one way that would hurt him most. He hadn't known. His goal was to protect Harry.

Remus sighed and tried to force his logical mind in control of his basest instincts.

 _"I'M A WIZARD. NOT A BEAST,"_ he thought to himself harshly trying to separate his two beings again.

Being around the scent of his cub always reduced him to a more animal mind. Driven to love, protect, and nurture. Thoughts of long days and nights spent wrapped around him. Warm dens and lots of bloody carcasses for him to gorge himself on. Finally grow some meat on his bones. Hours spent learning to hunt. Learning to hide from those that sought them harm. To fight, when he was old enough, those that couldn't be hidden from. Remus grimaced. He could imagine Harry's reaction to being kidnapped, hauled off into some forest den somewhere and kept like that.

This scent from the clearing though wasn't Harry's. Not really. Despite it invoking all the same irrational thoughts and feelings. There were similarities but there were many more differences. Harry smelled of freshly breezes. Calming rain. Grass. Roses maybe. And decidedly male. This scent was definitely female and in a word... death. Icy. Cold. Peppermint. Snow. Dead leaves. Frozen earth. And tears.

It was the tears that caused his insides the shrivel. His hackles to raise. His teeth to bare. No cub should smell of tears. Perhaps it was the tears that was triggering such a violently overwhelming reaction, though he'd always reacted to Harry the same way since being reunited with him. Perhaps because of their separation.

Remus shook his head as he headed upstairs to the room he shared with Sirus. He didn't have any female cubs. Certainly none that smelled of death and sorrow.

The scent was concentrated in a single spot. Whoever she was had appeared and disappeared from the same place. She hadn't walked around at all. What was worrying was the sense of her was still present in the magic lingering in the air. Whatever that storm had been, she was the cause of it.

How could a single witch cause such a storm? What purpose did the storm serve? The magic was feral. Dark. Not wild in an uncontrolled way though. This wasn't like one of Harry's bouts of accidental magic. For all it's savage and unfathomable power the storm was deliberately created.

As Remus pulled off his clothes and headed for the shower he allowed himself to contemplate the group they'd just missed. As a general rule, wizards didn't gather in large numbers outside of certain locations. Diagon Alley, Hogsmeade, Hogwarts, the Ministry, and St. Mungo's were the only places Remus could list readily outside a special event like the World Cup. 30 or more wizards had been in that clearing seconds before they'd arrived. Were it not for Severus' assurances Remus' next suggestion would have been a Death Eater gathering. Who else regularly gathered in such numbers?

His cub's scent was more faded than the groups had been. She had left hours before they arrived.

"Any clue on what it was?"

So engrossed in his own whirling thoughts Remus had missed Sirus's arrival. He could make him out sitting on the low counter through the fogged shower door.

"Some kind of magical storm. It was huge Siri. The air was thick with it. That forest isn't a magical forest but I think the Ministry may classify it as one now. It'll be interesting to see what effects it has on the area. It begs the question if such phenomenon are the cause of all the magical forests. I suspect the muggles in the area will have to be removed. The scope of such a project..."

"Moony," Sirus laughed cutting of Remus' rambling. "I get it. Big exciting project." Remus was a perpetual school boy about such things. His enthusiasm was precious and attractive if not contagious. Sirus would never be the academic Remus was.

"It's more than that, it's a once in a lifetime event it's..,"

"Remus." Sirus grabbed a towel and wrapped it around Remus' middle using it like a lead to pull Remus from the now off and open shower. He secured it to his waist and trailed his fingers lightly up his ribs, over his shoulders, to his face so he could cup his cheeks. Remus' eyes fell shut and his head tilted to one side leaning into the touch.

It had taken very little time 2 years ago to reestablish their relationship. Before Azkaban Sirus hadn't been very committed to anyone. Even knowing he was Remus' mate. He'd been young and wanted to play the field. Azkaban had erased much of the young man he'd been. He couldn't fathom now how he'd ever considered being a werewolf's life mate to be stifling. Oh he'd always loved Remus. He just hadn't been ready to settle down. Now Sirus would be happy if he and Remus were the only inhabitants of the _planet_. Well. He, Remus, and their pup Harry.

Sirus stepped back frowning. Something was very wrong with Harry. Remus and he'd discussed it a length. Tried to get Harry to open up a little over the holidays before he'd returned to Hogwarts but Harry had been mostly avoiding them. He was clever about it too. He made appearances when others were present but avoided being alone with them like the plague.

Sirus shook his head. He could worry over this till the final battle but until Harry opened up to them they had nothing to go on.

"All academic implications aside, is there any indication what caused it?" Sirus asked getting back to his original line of questioning.

Remus frowned and started moving towards the bedroom Sirus following. "None per say." He said vaguely not meeting Sirus' eyes. He didn't want to tell him about this mysterious cub.

"Did Dumbledore have any theories?" Sirus watched Moony not missing his now somewhat evasive behavior.

"None that he shared with us. It was mostly just information gathering. Taking readings and the like."

"Moony"

Remus had already pulled on a pair of sleeping pants. He sighed and sat on the bed finally looking a Sirus properly.

"There was a scent I... well I recognized it."

"Who's," Sirus wondered sitting next to Remus on the bed?

"Not a who exactly... more a what. I've never caught this particular person's scent before but it was unmistakable all the same," Remus said looking down at his hands. He wasn't blind to the greater implications of this. That hadn't been a _good_ scent. A _Light_ scent. Whoever this female was, she was darkness, death, power, and he didn't have to have met her yet to know she was dangerous. Knowing this and even never having met her didn't change his instinctive reaction. His cub. His to love. His to protect.

"Moony you aren't making a lick of sense."

"I know I'm sorry. I wasn't completely honest about it with Dumbledore either."

"What was this scent?" Sirus was bewildered. Bewildered and worried. Remus was never evasive and grasping like this. He always knew what to say. He dismissed any thought of Remus having hid something from Dumbledore. Sirus wasn't overwhelmed with warm and cuddly feelings for the headmaster himself. Nor was he ignorant to Remus' deeper feelings about the man despite his efforts to keep them hidden.

"It... it was... a cub," Remus finished in nearly a whisper.

"Harry," Sirus' eyes flashed instantly worried.

"No no not Harry." Putting his hand up as if in surrender. Remus was quick to reassure Sirus on this point. That at least he was sure of.

"Then I don't understand. We don't have any other cubs." Sirus frowned. He didn't even contemplate asking if there was some shewolf love child out there. Wolves mated till death. It was possible to have more than one mate but as long as he lived, Remus would never even look at another. Even convinced of his betrayal, even with Sirus sitting in Azkaban, Remus couldn't break the bond. That was just the nature of wolf bonds.

Further, establishing a cub bond with a child required both mates. Not that it was a ritual or formal ceremony of any type. More on an instinctive level Remus wouldn't establish such a bond if Sirus wasn't also involved with the child as well. The potential ramifications of a child being Remus' cub but dismissed or worse unaccepted by Sirus would cause devastation in the pack. Placing Remus in a situation where he'd have to choose between cub and mate.

Remus smiled grateful. In their youth Sirus might have started throwing wild accusations at the proclamation of some other cub besides Harry. It wouldn't have been spiteful just thoughtless Gryffindorness. "I know that. I can't explain it. Yet this female at the center of this storm sparked every instinct I have. From the first moment we walked into the clearing I wanted to start snarling at the others."

Sirus turned away from Remus looking out over the rest of the bedroom thinking. That didn't make sense. He'd never heard of anything that could fool a werewolf's senses like that. And it had to be a trick. There was no other reasonable or even unreasonable explanation. Wolves didn't spontaneously form cub bonds with people they'd never met. There was no higher destiny or predetermined soulmates where cubs were involved.

"Have you ever heard of anything... spontaneously causing such a reaction?" Sirus tried to phrase it gently. He had to be careful. Throwing around phrases like trick or trap would immediately get Remus' back up.

"No. Never. Cubs happen only 3 ways. You know that." He did know that. The first was obvious. One of the mates had a child. If a werewolf mated with someone who already had children or had a child in the future then the children would be accepted as cubs of the pack. In opposite sex pairs of course they could have children together. The werewolves own blood children would of course be cubs.

In a pack that extended beyond the mated pair, like Remus had established with James, the rat, and Sirus in Hogwarts, children born to any of them would be accepted as cubs so long as they were still considered part of the pack and there was no conflict between the mates.

In Harry's case it was a no brainer. Even before he was born Remus found it hard to be separated from Lily. James had used to tease him he was trying to steal his wife during the last trimester of her pregnancy. While Remus had never held anything but friendly affection for Lily, while she was pregnant her scent had been mixed up with that of her child. It had confused Remus' senses and been the source of much amusement as Remus struggled to treat Lily as he always had while often slipping and treating her as he would a newborn cub. More than a few times it had been _Remus_ rubbing her feet and back. Brushing her hair for her. Stroking her face and struggling with her. Lily had handled it with the gentle grace she handled most things. James and Sirus had gotten endless amusement from it.

The last way was relatively straight forward. The mated pair could adopt. Though the child would have no blood relation to anyone in the already established pack, eventually as such things are want to do, affections would grow. It wouldn't be immediate or over night but it had been done.

As Sirus puzzled over this an uncomfortable thought occurred to him. "You don't think that slimy rat..."

Remus looked appalled for a moment. He forced himself to try and think logically. Remembering what the scent had smelled like. "I don't think he's involved with her. Children take on aspects of their parents scent's. Harry is earthy and fresh like water. Something he got from James and Lily. Not identical but similar. This girl is similar to that but so much colder than they ever were. Peter always reminded me of the smell of dust. Not bad just musty. No part of this smell could be described as that."

Sirus sighed with relief. That was fortunate. No child the rat had now would Remus feel compelled to protect. Even a child born back in the day wouldn't be an issue if Remus had had no contact with it until after Pettigrew was no longer a part of their pack. But a child born of the pack that Remus had had even passing contact with... Sirus shivered. He could only hope there was no woman out there unfortunate enough to have ever born that rat a child.

"How do you mean colder?"

"Like darkness Sirus. Death. Frozen fields. Snow. Decayed leaves in the fall. There's a smell of peppermint that bares no resemblance to James or Lily but that too smells cold. And pain, tears. Hers or other people's lingering on her skin, I can't tell." Remus fell silent struggling to put into words what really wasn't meant for words. It was like describing colors to the color blind. Where do you start?

Sirus hadn't even met this witch and she alarmed him. None of that sounded particularly good, nor did Sirus want it anywhere near his family.

"She was the cause of the storm too. Her scent lingered in the magic. Whether she caused it intentionally or not we can't know but she somehow was the catalyst." Remus continued. Now that he'd started he didn't hold back. Better Sirus know everything now than find out later.

Sirus was aghast. Even he'd felt the stirrings of the storm. He guessed a great number of wild things. Magic rituals gone awry, perhaps some undiscovered convergence of ley lines like Stonehenge, even maybe some muggle uncovering the site of a magical massacre from so many centuries ago it'd be forgotten from living memory. Never did he even consider a person had caused the storm.

"That sounds like a maelstrom storm." Sirus whispered horrified.

"A maelstrom?"

"Yeah I may not be the bookworm you are but just about the only thing to do in this house when I was growing up was read. About the only thing my parents would let me do that they approved of. There should be some books in the library about it. Mind you not many. There aren't many who can create a maelstrom."

"I've never heard of it before."

"Basically if you're powerful enough you can summon magic from the surrounding area to do your will. Maelstrom is sort of a catch all phrase. The storm is only limited by the laws of magic and the power of the conjurer. It can do anything really. Level cities, force fields to grow from seed to ready to harvest in the dead of winter in a matter of hours, punch holes through locations connecting that location to any other in the world. The possibilities are really limitless. She'd have conjured it than used her own body like a conduit funneling all the surrounding magic she could grasp until she had enough to do... whatever her intent was. That'd probably explain why her scent was still so fresh to you in the magic. It passed through her."

"And it didn't kill her?!?!" Remus asked incredulously remembering how potent the lingering magic had felt prickling against his skin.

"That's why it's so rare. I don't think Dumbledore could do it."

Remus sighed, "I need to tell Dumbledore the truth but I can't do it. Every instinct says not too. I know that's residual from Harry but I can't help it. We don't even know who this witch is but I can't do anything to bring her harm."

Sirus nodding expecting that. His only feelings for the Headmaster keeping him captive in this hellhole weren't exactly lending themselves to unbiased thinking. "We don't tell him about the cub. Give him the information about the maelstrom if he doesn't have it already. As for the cub we're not going to figure anything else out sitting here."

Remus nodded and stood up to go downstairs and pen a note to the Headmaster with the information Sirus had given him. This is about where'd they left it with Harry too. Desperately worried but powerless to do anything without more information.

After making his way back upstairs Remus slid into bed next to Sirus. With a quiet _nox_ he settled down to try and sleep. It was already past 3am. Hopefully answers would start presenting themselves soon. Otherwise Remus might lose his mind in worry

HPHPHPHPHP

Ron and Hermione watched from their favorite arm chairs as Harry trudged through the portrait hole.

They shared a look. He'd looked dreadful once he'd joined them at 12 Grimmauld Place. It'd put Hermione in a foul mood for days. She _never_ should have listened to the Headmaster. Oh she didn't have much of a choice. Their mail to Harry was being reviewed by Order members before it was sent to make sure there were no "accidents." She should have found another way. Still that was nothing to how Harry looked right now.

Ron and Hermione had done more growing up than anyone around them really realized. More importantly they'd done more growing apart. Not from each other. They would always be the "golden trio" as it were. No, it was from the rest of the world they found themselves sitting separate from.

Ron was a brilliant strategist. He, sooner than her, had realized there was something _VERY_ wrong with the goings on at Hogwarts and the messes they landed themselves into. Perhaps because he'd grown up in a wizarding family and knew what was and _wasn't_ considered normal. He knew the amazing things magic was capable of. That the Sorcerers's Stone, of all things, should be first and foremost held at Hogwarts to begin with was odd. Then to be protected by enchantments that were undone by a flute, a light spell, a broom (provided for you even), a modicum of chess skills, and a riddle (which he admitted might have foiled him). It was outrageous. His brother Bill encountered greater obstacles _DAILY_ in his work for Gringotts breaking into tombs.

Hermione became suspicious after their second year. Odd that no one had figured out that the creature was a basilisk when the books were there in the library for anyone to read. Course no one but her and Ron knew of the strange voice Harry had been hearing but still there were really were only so many magical creatures capable of such damage. Eliminate the common ones you knew couldn't be responsible and work methodically through what was left. A child could do it. A child _had_ done it. She'd rationalized with herself though that perhaps the teachers had known what was in the chamber but had been unwilling to say for fear of creating a panic. She'd still held her deep abiding love and trust of authority at the time.

Hermione snorted. It wasn't till the beginning of last year the last vestiges of that had finally been beaten out of her. Though the dismay at finding a man being thrown in prison without so much as a trial had certainly helped speed things along.

She didn't expect the Headmaster to be all knowing and magically know Sirus Black was innocent. She was sure there was evidence even indicating his guilt. She _did_ expect the head of the Wizengamot to insure everyone had a fair trial. That at least he could have done. If he still ended up in Azkaban anyway, well, justice at least was attempted if not served.

And throughout all their Hogwarts years Harry's living conditions at the Dursley's never sat well with either of them. Harry had gone to the Headmaster and asked to stay over the summer after his first year. He'd never asked again after being refused. They knew he wouldn't. Harry's faith in others was tenuous at best. It had cost him something the first time, risk of discovery at least. No, he'd never ask again.

What Harry didn't know was, quite independent of him, both Ron and Hermione had complained. Ron had tried several times to explain to his parents that something wasn't right in the Dursley household. The answer was always the same "Dumbledore knows best dear."

Hermione had tried going to the Headmaster and when that hadn't worked tried going to their head of house. Unfortunately she'd quickly realized they were essentially one and the same. She would have liked to go to Sirus or Remus but she feared for their safety if their suspicions were correct. Sirus was to reckless and Remus...well that was another blow to the Headmaster.

Anyone looking at Remus with Harry could see Harry was his cub. He put in a valiant effort to appear "normal" but Hermione had done a great deal of research on werewolves third year after she realized they were being educated by one. You _did not_ separate wolves and cubs. Not while the cubs were young and the younger they were the worse the damage. It was a testament to Remus' character he hadn't done something desperate to find Harry during that time and ended up in Azkaban himself. Or more likely put down as a dangerous creature.

Harry had all but said his life had improved after getting his Hogwarts letter. Clearly the Dursleys feared doing anything too extreme now that Harry was learning to use and control his powers. He didn't talk about the years before that though beyond vague slips of the tongue here and there. Hermione had resorted to her trusty books and hadn't liked what she found. There wasn't much in the wizarding world but there was plenty in the muggle world about the signs and psychology of an abused child.

She didn't know the specifics of course, about what Harry had experienced in that house. She couldn't unless he confided in her and he generally seemed more willing to endure the cruciatus curse than discuss in detail his life with the Dursleys before the age of 11.

Another blow to the Headmaster. Ron had been the one to inform her that all muggleborn or muggle-raised children were automatically considered wards of Hogwarts once admitted. It wasn't so much a change of guardianship. Her parents were still her parents and held custody over her, but there were some things in the magical world you needed a magical parent for. Signing magical contracts like apprentice agreements. Acting in loco parentis if something happened that required the presence of aurors for questioning or interviewing since it was impractical to expect a muggle to understand wizarding law. Such things like that. Ron having been in the wizarding world all his life though knew that "the-boy-who-lived" was technically Dumbledore's ward _LONG_ before he'd come to Hogwarts.

Ron told stories and even helped her dig up newspaper clippings of the most outrageous goings on. Wizard families all of Britain had wanted to adopt Harry after the first war. There were great legal battles before the Wizengamot contesting custody.

Because Harry's father was a pureblood, he was in some way related to most every other pureblood in Britain. They'd all wanted him. Even the Malfoy's had put in a claim stating that Narcissa Malfoy was his cousin since Harry's grandmother had been Dorena Black.

It hadn't all been Death Eaters though. Harry could have grown up beside Susan Bones, raised by her aunt Amelia Bones, Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

Throughout it all Dumbledore insisted Harry was happy and safe growing up with Lily's families. Hermione rolled her eyes. Harry had no doubt been many things growing up in that abomination of a house. She very much doubted happy and safe had ever been on that list.

When their initial efforts had failed Ron and Hermione had taken to sending food (horrifying that _food_ should be something that even needs sending) and what comforts they could. Ron was limited by funds and Hermione limited by lack of an owl. Still after Ron had seen his room before second year they'd contemplated things like pillows, blankets, perhaps even some clothes. They'd had to admit that wouldn't be possible though after Ron had remembered Harry's trunk had been locked away from him in the boot cupboard under the stairs. They doubted very much the Dursleys would let Harry keep anything that was discovered.

In later years Hermione had had potions ready for Harry at the start of the year in case he needed them. For the most part he didn't. The Dursleys rarely turned physical (at least now, Hermione had her suspicions about the past) but stomach soothers helped get Harry back into the swing of eating regular meals again every year at the very least. Pepper-ups helped with the ongoing lethargy he struggled with from so many months without proper food and too much physical labor.

All of these things combined to paint a picture neither Ron or Hermione liked. The Headmaster moved Harry, and by extension them, around like pieces on a chess board. All with very little consideration for their well being. Not to say he was actively trying to hurt or kill them. Rather a general apathy for their safety while playing them like pawns.

Neither of them had sat down with Harry and gone over any of this. Harry for the most part seemed to worship the headmaster and they were concerned if their fears ever moved beyond thier circle of _them_ that they might find themselves in a sticky situation. There was no proof Sirus had been maneuvered into Azkaban deliberately. In fact they were sure he hadn't been, but the Headmaster had taken full advantage of the situation that presented to him. He'd cleaved Remus as fully from Harry's life as an axe blade would have. They couldn't risk being separated from Harry when they were perhaps the only people surrounding him that didn't give two rat shits about the greater good and only cared about him.

They had briefly considered Professor Snape. There were rumors whispered in dark corners that if you weren't safe at home, it didn't matter what house you were in. Professor Snape was the one to go to. They'd quickly nixed that plan though. First Harry would never go for it and second Snape had a tendency to only see one Potter where Harry was concerned and Harry wasn't that Potter. If Harry had been anyone _BUT_ Harry Potter it might have been viable option.

None of these thoughts helped them as they watched Harry collapse on the couch.

"You look like pounded Hippogriff shit mate." Ron elegant as ever thought Hermione rolling her eyes.

"Occlumency," said Harry as if that somehow explained the last 3 months of declining health despite this being his first lesson.

"Was it helpful at all," asked Hermione hopefully?

"Only if you count getting my head ripped into with no idea how to actually close it helpful." Harry grouched.

"I checked out some books from the library."

"Naturally" Ron said with a smile

Hermione threw him a sideways look and continued. "You're welcome to them of course."

"Can I get an abridged version with chapter recommendations," Harry asked hopefully? His next occlumency lesson was in a week. He didn't have time to read every book the library had the mentioned the word occlumency.

"Course Harry. Whatever you need. I'll have it for you sometime tomorrow."

"Thank you," he said sincerely. "I'm going to go to bed. Night guys."

They watched him drag himself up the stairs. Ron looked like he wanted to follow but he knew from experience his help wouldn't be welcomed.

"He's getting worse," he said to Hermione after Harry was out of sight.

Hermione said nothing. No response was needed. She could see it as plainly as Ron could.

"This is way beyond visions or nightmares or stress with Umbridge. Harry is _ill_ , Hermione. Actually sick. Worse he's hiding it. Not just from the Professors cuz he'd always do that, but from us too."

"I _KNOW_ Ron." Hermione was exasperated. They'd had this conversation half a dozen times already. It always ended the same. More questions than answers and no real solutions to get those answers.

"You said he'd taken a bunch of books from headquarters though."

"I said books were missing. Black family books. I never saw Harry with them. Just he was spending a lot of time in the library when everyone thought he was somewhere else."

"Do you know what the books were about?"

"No. You have to be of Black blood to even take them off the shelf."

Ron worried. He could think of a great many things in the wizarding world that could be in those books that could make someone as sick as Harry had been getting. Most of them revolved around some really nasty black magic that shouldn't be practiced without some kind of help. Harry had less experience with the Dark Arts than Ron or Hermione did.

Once they'd decided the adults in their lives couldn't be trusted they'd started branching out. Ron grimaced. He'd never be the bookworm Hermione was but that didn't mean he was incapable of knowing which way a book opened. Didn't mean he liked studying though. Give him a weapon and a wand any day.

Harry talked in his sleep and didn't always remember the silencing charms. Ron got pretty good at imitating parseltongue. When they'd needed basilisk parts for a nastier potion Hermione was working on for her beaded bag project Ron had taken them down to the chamber rather than involve Harry.

The project, that Ron had named because everything they made ended up in Hermione's beaded bag, was a simple one. In variably all hell was going to break loose around them. Dumbledore had a tendency of allowing the worse shit to happen around them. Ofter they were in these situations with nothing but their own wits and their wand. The beaded bag was full of books, weapons likes knives, daggers, and swords in as many different materials as they could find, talismans, various artifacts, cursed objects and potions. Headquarters had been brilliant for that. They'd found weapons in steel, silver, even a gold dagger Hermione said could be useful in some rituals.

The chamber expedition had been in their third year though. They'd gone down there and Ron had begun exploring rather than watch Hermione harvest. They'd discovered the real treasure of the chamber of secrets. Slytherin's library. _Great Merlin_.

It was clear Voldemort had never found it. Nothing in the lore indicted that Slytherin's library even should be there. Hermione had done some research and best as she could tell, at some point the castle itself had elected to move the library. She theorized given the Ministry's stance on Dark Magic that the castle, perhaps aided by some enchantment left by Slytherin, had elected to move the library for it's safety.

Initially both of them had been quite leery of "dark" anything. But as the years past they'd come to accept there was often a marked difference in what the Ministry declared dark and what actually was. Further it was difficult to guard against something you knew nothing about. So their study had begun.

Yes, there was dark arts. Blood magic, soul magic, curses, poisons, and any number of horrible things that were nightmare inducing.

But there was also elemental magic. Now lost to so call "dark" classifications and heavily regulated if not outright banned. The ability to control the weather. Such abilities to safegaurd against harsh winters to protect harvests. Wizard Lords had used such magic to protect the fields of their muggle subjects and tenants living on their land. The relationship was a symbiotic one. The muggles did what the Lords thought themselves above doing, while allowing the Lords to keep the favor of their subjects by insuring good harvest after good harvest. After all magic can't make food. However when the International statute of secrecy came into effect such partnerships were outlawed. An entire branch of magic lost.

There was also books on communal magic. The very magic that had made the building of Hogwarts possible. Also incidentally outlawed and mostly forgotten. When 2 or more witches or wizards aligned their magical cores and cast magic simultaneously allowing for magic no one witch or wizard could cast alone. Of course then no one witch or wizard alone could then _UNDO_ such magic, which is why it was outlawed. Easier if the Ministry doesn't have to work to keep compatible wizards happy and employed with them.

It'd flown in the face of everything Ron grew up hearing but the proof was pretty irrefutable. Hermione, who'd not grown up in the magical world and had only learned of it through Ministry approved books, initially had perhaps struggled more with reconciling her beliefs with the facts presented to her more than Ron but eventually even she had come to accept it.

There were old history books, useless for anything that had happened in the last several hundred years but the comparison between commonly available books and what was in the library was shocking. Much of their history had been _forgotten_ but what was worse, appalling even, was much of it had actually been _REWRITTEN_.

History of Magic indicated the witch burnings to be little more than an inconvenience. But these history books taught of muggleborn children mutilated, butchered, slaughtered. Of ancient muggle armies before the creation of muggle repelling charms attempting to storm Hogwarts gates to murder as many children as possible to prevent the next generation of "heretics." Even adult wizards with no formal training being stung up like animals.

Of course being muggleborn herself Hermione knew not all muggles were like that. But as a muggleborn she knew some _were_. She knew that the muggle world could hold as many dangers as the magical one. You didn't need a wand to be a monster.

For nearly three years now they'd spent learning what they could and every useful book, spell, artifact, or potion they found or created went into the beaded bag. Ron was leery of putting all their eggs in one basket though, so they'd recently started making a second bag. One Ron would carry. This was something else they'd kept from Harry. For more or less the same reason too.

If he was practicing dark magic to this extreme on his own though it was time to tell him.

"I know what you're thinking Ron," Hermione said looking back at him from where she'd been staring at the stairs after Harry had disappeared. "It's not that. I checked him for blood poisoning already. It's not that."

Blood poisoning was simply the result of over use of dark magic. Such magic left traces behind in the body. It took time to metabolize. The longer you practiced, the better your body became at filtering it. Using too much too fast however overwhelmed the body and quite literally _poisoned the blood_ which in turn began poisoning the rest of your organs.

"I don't know what else it could be." Ron said sourly. How did she always know what he was thinking? It occurred to him though, "How did you test that?"

"I took some dirty cloths from one of the times I helped Harry heal up after one of Umbridge's detentions." The thought of that woman made Hermione ill.

"Do you still have them?"

"Yes Ron. I routinely carry around samples of my friends blood on dirty bits of cloth for later use." She rolled her eyes. I mean really.

"Right right." Ron looked pensive through. Not really seeing her nor making comment at being ridiculed.

"What?"

"The spell you used, did you check specifically for that?"

"Yes..."

"Alright then." Ron said a plan beginning to form. "Harry is going to have a minor accident. There's a spell I read not too long back in one of the medical journals, bit of blood and we can get a complete medical history. It's illegal of course. Not even St. Mungo's can use it now but that'll tell us what's going on."

Hermione looked dubious. "You know Harry will lose his mind over that right?"

"What else can we do?" Ron felt helpless. Harry looked so gaunt in his face his eyeballs were practically protruding from his scull. The dark circles under his eyes looked like permanent black eyes from repeated nose breaks. Harry'd been careful not to undress around anyone lately but Ron could just image what the rest of him looked like.

"I'm not saying we can't or won't, just maybe we shouldn't. It does us no good to find out what's wrong only for him not to trust us and not let us help. Then what? What'd be the plan then?"

"One step at a time," Ron declared decisively. They'd worry about the fall out later. It'd do them no good if Harry was dead before they found out what was wrong with him.

"Alright." Hermione wasn't really against this despite her worlds. She felt the same way as Ron. Harry was better pissed at them and alive than happy and dead.

She pulled out her beaded bag and started looking for the medical journal Ron had mentioned.

HPHPHPHPHP


	4. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: If I owned them neither Remus or Sev would be dead._

 _AN: K I'm editing these on my own as I go along. I know I'm not catching everything but till a get a beta that's what I got. If you see something say something. I won't be annoyed. I'll either fix it or I won't._

 _Despite how quickly I got up the prologue I don't expect to maintain that clip but who knows I may surprise myself. This one is kinda writing itself._

 _I specified POWERFUL Harry and Harry might come off as a bit weak here. I don't know, he doesn't to me but I know what's going on in his head and what's coming. You don't. Keep in mind Harry experienced a horrific trauma and doesn't really have the skills to cope right now. Throw in all the cannon stuff that is going on during this time and just being 15 in general and yeah._

 _Also should mention I'm American. Probably very obvious in my writing. Trying to change that and write more British would likely insult the British cuz I'd suck at it. Lets all just pretend I'm using the proper English terms for things and move on._

 _Cannon says Harry has Occlumency Monday and Wednesday. He has it just on Thursdays in my world for now._

 _To the story... CHARGE!_

 _4._

Harry woke up feeling as bad as he did before he went to bed. _Really_ , he thought, _what_ _was_ _even the point of sleeping._

A quick tempus showed the time to be 5am. An hour before the first of his dorm mates would be up. This had been his schedule since he'd started showing. The showers had curtains of course, but there was always the risk of someone glimpsing something.

Harry used glamours during the day to hide his condition but showering under glamours was difficult. It was much easier to wash yourself if you could actually see what you were washing.

He crawled out of bed and grabbed his toiletry kit. As he made his way into the shower and set up in one of the stalls he mused it was ironic that he most often felt the least sick in the mornings. _So much for morning sickness_ he thought.

He showered as quickly and efficiently as he could. At about 29 weeks he was really obviously pregnant. Made more obvious by the lack of weight anywhere else on his body. He didn't want to see it. Didn't want to know it.

Harry wasn't at a place where he could even give himself the comforts of imagined what-ifs. What if this child _hadn't_ been conceived in the most violating and grotesque way imaginable? What if he wasn't alone and if this was with someone he loved, even just cared for? What if this was a joy he shared with his friends and family? Would Hermione be bombarding him daily with pregnancy tips? Would Ron be nervous around him or over protective and a total mother hen?

Harry had none of these thoughts. He mostly just ignored what was happening to his body the best he could. Tried to imagine it wasn't him. Tried to tell himself he'd just find a child in the chamber of secrets a few months from now and he'd sneak it out of the castle. It wouldn't be _his_. None of this was really happening to _him_.

He finished showering and dried off in the stall. He reached out and grabbed his clothes he'd set on the floor directly outside the curtains. He dressed and reapplied the glamours all before even stepping out into the communal space of the bathroom. He walked over to the sink to brush his teeth and make a pointless effort to tame his hair for the day.

Today was Friday. If he could just make it through today he could sleep till next Monday he thought. Umbridge's Quidditch ban had been unfair but Harry was grateful for it. It couldn't imagine trying to fly like this.

He made his way into the dorms. Another quick tempus showed it was barely 5:45. He dithered for a moment trying to decide whether he should crawl in bed again for a bit or go to the common room and attempt some homework.

A quick calculation of the number of assignments he was already due on barely 4 days into the term made his decision for him. He grabbed his book bag and headed downstairs. Harry was more surprised than he should have been to see Hermione already up and reading.

She glanced up from her book when she heard noise alerting her to someone making their way down the stairs. Harry nodded to her but didn't say anything. He wasn't up for conversations. He started pulling his books and some blank parchment from his bag. When he went to set them on the low table though there was already a stack of several parchments where just a minute ago there had been none.

He looked up at Hermione but she was already engrossed in her book again paying him no attention. He picked up the parchments and started riffling through them. They weren't completed essays. They were detailed outlines with references and notes about which specific books each bit of information came from. Down to the chapter and line number in some cases.

Harry looked at the tops. Defense, potions, transfiguration, charms, history, astronomy, care of magical creatures. There was even one that was in Ron's writing for divination. Harry just stared at them for a minute speechless.

He looked back at Hermione reading her book and felt the tell tail tightness in his throat of impending tears. That was probably the worst part about being pregnant. The complete lack of control over his emotions. He told himself it was lack of sleep that made him so emotional.

"Hermione?"

"Ron will be here soon. You should really start writing your essays, Harry. They won't write themselves," Hermione said absently but not unkindly without looking up. To all the world it looked as though she wasn't paying any attention to anything but her book.

Harry just stared for a minute longer. His friends didn't even know what was wrong with him. Only that he was drowning and instead of badgering or further stressing him with interrogations they'd just quietly stepped up and helped carry the load. He was more grateful than he had words for.

After the minute, Harry put the precious lifeline he'd been thrown in his bag, save for the one for Transfiguration. He pulled out his book and started rifling through it looking for the right chapter following the directions of the outline.

By 7:30 when Ron made his way down, Harry had completed the 3 essays that'd been due for today. He was working on the forth that'd be due Monday.

Ron dropped himself next to Harry on the couch. They still had some time. First class wouldn't be till 9.

Ron and Hermione had outlined their plan the night before. In addition to finding out what was going on with Harry, they'd decided they needed to pull as much stress off him as possible.

The first step was getting caught up on his homework. They were aware of Harry's early morning habits and had seen him writing more than a few essays at the breakfast table. Writing rather than eating. That needed to stop. So Hermione had gotten up early with the completed outlines and set up in the common room to wait for him.

Hermione had rationalized she wasn't writing his essays for him. It'd be better if he read the entire assigned reading but that wasn't really happening anyway. Better he read the relevant bits and get a decent essay turned in than nothing. She planned on making a point of going over the chapters with him in greater detail later when he wasn't death personified. She doubted he'd really retain anything now anyway. Ultimately so long as he understood it by the time they took their OWLs then she could live with it.

It was a testament of how much Ron had grown up that'd he'd made no comment on not getting similar help with his assignments. He'd just added the one for the one class Hermione didn't take with them. Or perhaps it was a sign of how worried he was.

At 8, Harry had finished the essay he was working on. He moved as if to grab a fifth when Ron gently grabbed his wrist stopping him. He took the books, completed essays, and various writing utensils from the table and packed them in Harry's bag. "Time for breakfast mate"

Hermione was packed up as well. Somewhat bemused by his friends behavior but too tired to question them on it Harry just followed as they made their way out of the tower. He was already further ahead in his homework than he could remember being all year. He belatedly realized Ron was still carrying his book bag and moved to take it from him.

Ron sorely would have preferred to keep it. Harry looked like a strong wind might blow him over but he suspected Harry might balk at that. So far the morning was going as good as they could hope for. No rages or meltdowns from Harry, no load proclamations to mind their own business. Best not to push too hard.

As Ron started pulling it off his shoulder to hand to Harry, it inexplicably got lighter. As Ron handed it over he looked up and saw Hermione slipping her wand back in her sleeve surreptitiously. _Featherlight charm._ Ron made no indication he'd noticed or seen anything.

Harry's bag was old and worn. Muggle made and not a quality material. It wouldn't hold the charm indefinitely but it'd make it threw the day. Ron sighed. _Best they could hope for._

They walked into the Great Hall and found their normal seats at Gryffindor table. Ron sat beside Harry while Hermione settled herself across from them. This is where they'd foretold their first great challenge of the day.

As Harry reached across the table to start filling his plate, Hermione was the one to grab his wrist.

"May I, Harry, please," she asked in as quiet a voice she could while still being heard. "Please?" She repeated again.

Harry was somewhat confused about what she was even asking but nodded nonetheless. Hermione bowled some plain porridge. She grabbed a banana and papaya and began slicing it into the bowl.

While she was working on that Ron was scoping out the drink options. They'd called Dobby last night and asked him to make sure there was either some mint or ginger tea at the Gryffindor table for the foreseeable future. When they told them it was for Harry, the elf had been happy to oblige. Ron found what he was looking for, mint this morning looked like, and prepared a cup of that the way Harry liked. No sugar. Slash of milk.

Ron put the cup to the side of Harry's plate while Hermione put the bowl of porridge and fruit in front of Harry. Harry stared at it blankly. Typically for breakfast (or any meal) he'd fill his pate with a little of everything and ate a lot of nothing. Mostly just moving it around on the plate.

Harry looked first at Hermione and then at Ron. His friends were acting very oddly. "Try to eat Mate," said Ron moving to fill his own plate. Mostly with the greasiest offerings on the table. Harry contemplated briefly pitching a fit. He dismissed the thought though. He didn't have the energy and it wasn't like anything else on the table looked particularly appetizing. Honestly all food tasted like ash to him.

With a shrug he started eating the porridge. Hermione allowed herself a brief smile before she too started serving herself. It was worrying Harry hadn't protested such treatment but she was grateful all the same.

Harry was pleasantly surprised. Typically breakfast was when his stomach would start it's day long campaign to make him as miserable as possible, starting with the first bite of whatever he tried to eat. While the porridge wasn't suddenly a flavor explosion, it mostly was setting into his stomach comfortably. When he sipped his tea, _mint odd,_ that too didn't seem inclined to spark a rebellion.

It seemed his friends hadn't been as oblivious to his issues as he'd thought. While not ideal, they didn't seem inclined to push him for answers he wouldn't give. For now at least they seemed content to just quietly make his life easier. He hadn't missed Hermione's trick with his bag in the hall either.

Harry decided as long as they didn't start pushing him for answers he'd follow their lead. Besides this was the first meal he'd eaten in months that didn't completely savage him. He'd go with it.

As they ate their meal, their interactions had gone mostly unnoticed by the rest of the hall.

Mostly save for the potions master at the head table.

Severus too hadn't been blind to the declining health of the boy. Initially he'd dismissed it as an extreme reaction to stress. The boy had always been frail and tiny looking. His mother too had been prone to going off food in times of stress. While he'd no longer been friends with her by the time they reached their NEWTs, he vividly remembered how alarmed he'd been watching Lily lose weight as the year progressed.

After his first occlumency lesson with the boy though he'd been more concerned. There were no indications in his mind he was even contemplating exams. He was obviously stressed about the Dark Lord but seemed fixated on the Dark Lord's resurrection more than anything.

At least the boy seemed to be eating. That was a small miracle in and of itself. If the boys friends could handle that problem all the better.

Severus sighed to himself and threw a brief sideways glare at the headmaster. They'd spoken this morning, both about his meeting with the Dark Lord last night and Potter's continued occlumency lessons.

The summoning had gone about as expected. There wasn't much to know yet since only so much information could be gathered from the site. The Dark Lord had asked a curious question though. He'd asked if Black, and by extension Severus, had access to the Black Family library. Severus prided himself on being prepared for such meetings with the Dark Lord but even he'd been taken off guard by such a question.

It'd been no secret for sometime the Black ancestral home had been unavailable to other Blacks for months. Up till now the Dark Lord had given no indication he cared, so focused as he was on retrieving the prophecy. Now suddenly he wanted the library.

Severus tip toed the question and said he had little interaction with Black but believed Dumbledore was keeping him at a safe house. Where that safe house was he couldn't disclose because he wasn't aware.

Then came the strangest order the Dark Lord had ever given him. He was to repair his relationship with Black. If that proved impossible, he was to work on improving his relationship on those surrounding Black, even up to and including Potter. Whatever it took to get close to Black.

The Dark Lord hadn't explicitly said so but the implications were clear. Severus was to get access to the Black Family library. Severus had walked away under his own power having not even been cursed once.

When speaking with Dumbledore about this strange turn of events it became clear to Severus the headmaster knew why he was being given this order. As Dumbledore was want to do, he didn't elaborate but did indicate there might be some information about the magical storm in the library.

No doubt the Dark Lord had come across it when he was still in favor with the Black Family before Regulus Black's death. It wasn't uncommon for Death Eaters to open their family libraries to the Dark Lord.

Fortunately Severus _DID_ have access to the Black library. There'd be no need to cosy up to Black. Only to pretend to and craft some careful fake interactions and growing relationship to convey to the Dark Lord in the coming weeks.

It also presented as nice cover for his extra time spent with the boy during occlumency, should they be seen together.

Occlumency lessons that would be continuing he scowled. He'd tried talking to Albus about how unreasonable he was being about this entire concept. Albus would hear none of it. He seemed hellbent on torturing them both.

So now Severus was left with two options. The first was to proceed as planned. Make no changes and continue with his original method. I'd be a useless exercise, literal mental and physical torture for both of them. Potter would never learn occlumency that way.

If things were as they had been last night, that would be Severus' only option. However the Dark Lord's orders regarding the mutt opened up a second avenue previously closed to him. Severus could actually work on building some sort of rapport with the boy and get at the heart of whatever his issue was. Any questions regarding his loyalties could be deflected simply by indicating he was following the Dark Lord's orders and the only viable method to the mutt was through his godson.

It'd be a delicate balance not to bring actual suspicions to his loyalties. He couldn't appear over eager or too good at it. It also potentially opened up problems down the road if the Dark Lord ever wished to capitalize on said relationship. The possible benefits of closing the boys mind now might be outweighed by exposing him to greater danger later.

All rational implications aside though Severus already knew what he was going to do. He would have likely maintained his distance if there was no other option but now that one had presented itself he couldn't in good conscience do nothing. Lily's ever present memory would not allow it. Something was horribly wrong with her son, and except for two other 15 year olds no one but him had appeared to notice.

The question now became how to go about it. He couldn't just summon the boy to his office and demand he begin speaking. Nor would another disastrous occlumency lesson like last nights do either of them any good.

 _Perhaps a different type of lesson_ he thought to himself. Occlumency was best accomplished with a clear mind. The boy seemed incapable of that despite evidence to the contrary that there was nothing between his ears.

Maybe exposure would be the best first step. Instead of going about this once a week, he could force the boy in his company several times a week. If Severus could keep the interactions from turning hostile _(that'd be a small feat on its own)_ then perhaps that could be a stepping stone to something greater.

Another good step would be to follow Granger and Wesley's example, though that thought rankled on it's face. Relationship advice from children. Potter was clearly struggling, perhaps some gently offered assistance might further help his cause. He'd have to be judicious but a day or two a week of dreamless sleep. Perhaps a pepper up here or there.

He'd have to be careful not to attract the notice of that harpy Umbridge but if he could keep both the Headmaster and the Dark Lord happy at the same time… well she barely compared to that.

He also acknowledged to himself that nothing he did would matter if he lost his temper with the boy. Potter may or might not detect some ulterior motives in his changed interactions. He'd manage those suspicions. Losing his temper and insulting the boy wouldn't work though. On some level this new foundation they would need to build would have to be authentic.

He couldn't lie to the boy and say he'd alway really liked him but he'd had to pretend for the sake of the children of Death Eaters in the school. He could perhaps try to act as if he'd never met the boy until now and work from a fresh slate.

Severus sighed. This was going to be a nightmare. He could already tell. All of these plans were pointless though until he started attempting to work on the boy. No doubt he'd have to adjust and change course several times over the next few weeks depending on how receptive the child was.

He watched as the three children got up from the table. Unless he was much mistaken they had transfiguration first. Severus had them in his own class after lunch. Double period. Oh joy. He glared again at the Headmaster. Slytherins and Gryffindors in the same potions class, on a Friday no less, was obviously a plow by the headmaster to kill him.

Severus got up and started heading down for the first class of the day. He'd start on the boy this afternoon.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHP

Harry, Ron and Hermione stepped out into the corridor after a grueling Transfiguration. At least it'd seemed grueling to Harry. Ron and Hermione seemed to have managed well enough. Professor McGonagall seemed vaguely surprised when Harry handed is his recently completed transfiguration essay. It was nice having an assignment on time for once. They had a break and Charms class was next. After lunch was double Potions, something Harry was feeling nauseous about after last night's lesson. After Potions was Herbology, then freedom for two days.

McGonagall had assigned another essay due at the end of next week but he'd worry about that later. He'd completed the essays due for Charms and Potions this morning in the common room thanks to Hermione's outlines. There was nothing due today for Herbology but some assigned reading they were supposed to have done prior to today's class. Since Harry wouldn't be scrambling to put an essay together for Snape at lunch, he could do the reading for that he supposed.

His stomach felt calmer than it had in weeks. He still felt wretched but at least so far his breakfast hadn't made a reappearance. Ron and Hermione were continuing their odd behavior. So far though, Harry hadn't been tempted to break his promise to himself to let them have at it.

Ron had carried his book bag to Transfiguration. Now as they settled themselves in a vacant alcove near the Charms corridor waiting for their next lesson to start, Hermione pulled out a thermos and some snacks from her bag. She handed Harry a cup full of the same mint tea from this morning's breakfast, some plain toast, and some salt crackers.

Harry was dubious about eating anything when his stomach wasn't staging a riot for once but decided to follow Hermione's lead. She seemed to have chosen well this morning. Ron just stood in front of them with his back turned. To all the world he looked like he was just casually people watching but in reality he was attempting to keep a buffer between them and those milling about in the rest of the corridor.

Harry nibbled at his toast and crackers and wondered if he should perhaps question them on their odd behavior but quickly dismissed that idea. He had no desire to open up a conversation like that that might lead to questions about why he needed the care they were giving him in the first place.

Harry finished the food and tea provided to him and watched Hermione pack the thermos back into her bag. He noticed, not for the first time, a small beaded bag no bigger than his fist. He watched bemused as she put the thermos that was roughly three times the size of the bag actually into the bag.

It wasn't the first time he'd seen that bag. Hermione had a tendency to carry it everywhere. He'd even wondered sometimes if she slept with it. The only times she took it off her wrist was in Snape's class (and now Umbridge's) and only because they'd demanded it. Umbridge in fact had once said if she ever saw that bag in her class again she'd confiscate it. Why she'd taken such a hating to it Harry could only guess.

Whenever Harry had asked about it though she'd just vaguely waved her hand around like she was swapping flies and said it was just a trinket for emergencies. He snickered a bit that a thermos of tea that was clearly only intended for him and some snacks could be counted as an emergency.

Hermione looked up having heard Harry laugh. It was the first time she could remember him making any positive sounds in months.

"Care to share the joke," she smiled.

"I'm an emergency." When Hermione looked back at him puzzled he sighed. Clearly it was only funny to him. "Don't worry about it. I'm just in a weird mood."

Ron watched them out of the corner of his eye feeling both more optimistic and more depressed. While it was great Harry wasn't fighting them it was still worrying that he wasn't. Hermione and he'd been ready for a battle to get Harry to accept their help but it seemed no matter what they did Harry seemed content to just placidly accept it.

It'd only been half a day but really by now Harry should have been grouching at their mothering.

Best not to look a gift horse in the mouth he decided now fully putting his attention back on the corridor. Their goal was to give Harry a proper rest between last class and this next one. He longed for next year when they'd have full free periods but 30 minute breaks would have to suffice for now.

They'd decided if Harry tried a runner after class, as he was normally want to do now adays, they'd force him to the dorms to skip Charms. Harry's prolonged periods worshiping the porcelain gods was not missed by them. He seemed in good spirits though after Transfiguration, if still perpetually tired. They'd proceeded to plan B which was go to class but get Harry to eat something light beforehand.

Now that that was done they still had 10 minutes or so before class.

Hermione filled it with talk about Transfiguration. She tried to be careful not dissolve into lecture mode and engage Harry but mostly he seemed to yes ma'am her. In truth, Harry was just enjoying the peace and normality of listening to Hermione go on about school work. He could listed without having to think himself. It was lovely.

Ron picked up Harry's and his bag. "Time for class." He said unnecessarily. Everyone was moving into the Charms classroom.

Class started much the way Transfiguration had done. Professor Flitwick had much the same reaction as Professor McGonagall to Harry's on time assignment. It would seem he'd made a habit of late homework. He honestly hadn't noticed.

"Today class we're going to be working on the Stunning Spell," Flitwick said practically vibrating with enthusiasm at the front of the class.

Harry froze as he'd been pulling his books, parchment, and writing supplies from his bag Ron had handed back after he'd sat down. That. Couldn't. Be. Good.

Defense was usually their most active class. With Umbridge teaching this year there hadn't really been a need to worry about such things like getting slammed with random spells. Hermione had tried briefly at the beginning of the year to convince him to start a defense group. Harry had refused. Under normal circumstances he might have been convinced but given his condition he'd put his foot down.

Getting knocked unconscious and falling repeatedly to the floor sounded like a bad idea. As Flitwick continued to demonstrate the wand movement at the front of the class Harry internally panicked.

He looked to the door subconsciously as he tried to come up with some reason why he needed to leave. Ron was sitting behind him and noticed him turn in his seat. He was somewhat alarmed by the panicked look in Harry's eye.

Harry looked more than panicked, he looked terrified. _What the hell?_ Ron thought. Harry knew this spell, known it since last year. They all did, so why was he freaking out like this.

He reached out to put his hand on Harry's shoulder but thought better of it. Harry had never been particularly receptive to touch ( _bloody Dursleys)_ but ever since last year Harry was down right jumpy when touched. He and Hermione had noticed and been careful to keep any contact slow and always in Harry's line of sight. Touching him right now would make a bad situation worse.

Ron quietly kicked Hermione's chair. She glanced back at him and he gestured helplessly to Harry. There wasn't much Ron could do from back here. Hermione too immediate saw the hysteria brewing in Harry. She put her hand on his desk to get his attention. She knew better than to touch him right now too.

At her questioning look Harry whispered, "I need to go."

"Go? Go where?"

"Just go I need to go NOW," Harry's whispers got increasingly frantic and harsh.

"Harry we're in class, you can't just leave," Ron whispered from behind him. That was a mistake. Harry suddenly felt surrounded, _trapped,_ no where to go, _no way to get away._ He started breathing faster.

"Shit." Ron cursed, "Professor." Ron spoke loudly standing bringing all attention to himself, while Hermione put her hand on Harry's neck and pulled his head down slightly so it was level with her shoulders. It didn't really help Harry's panic but it did serve to conceal him partially from the rest of the class. "Harry must've ate something bad a breakfast and isn't feeling well. Can we take him to the hospital wing?"

Ron had no intention of taking Harry to the hospital wing. Even if he did it didn't matter, Harry wouldn't step foot in there. They knew from trying already.

"Oh um.. yes yes of course." No one who'd seen Harry in the last few months would question the validity of him being ill. Professor Flitwick started to say something else but the three of them were already through the door. "Well.. yes.. the incantation is _stupefy_." He went back to his lesson. He'd have to follow up with Minerva later. The poor boy really hadn't looked well.

Outside the classroom Hermione and Ron ushered Harry down the hall as quickly as they could.

"Breathe Harry just breathe we're almost there." Hermione had no idea where Ron was leading them but she certainly hoped they were almost there. Harry was hyperventilating already and starting to struggle to pull away from her. "Just one more minute Harry, just one more minute." She doubted very much he could understand her right now but hoped that the sound of her voice would help ground him and remind him who he was with.

"Here." Ron said holding open the door. It was an abandoned classroom at the furthest deepest end of the charms corridor. No one would pass by here on their way to somewhere else.

As soon as they were threw the door Harry pulled away from Hermione. Harry had never had such an episode in front of them before. Normally he was careful to get as far away as possible before he fully dissolved. He'd never broken down in class before though.

As soon as the door was shut Hermione whipped out her wand. Privacy, silencing, locking, warding, proximity alarms, and repelling spells were up in under a minute. While she cast, Ron carefully made his way to where Harry was crouched on the floor next to the furthest wall. He was vomiting so hard his body was giving great heaves. He picked up the bin next to the desk as he passed it.

As soon as Harry stopped for a moment Ron vanished the mess on the floor and replaced it with the bin. Within seconds Harry was at it again.

"Oh Harry." It hurt to see him like this. Physically hurt. Ron ran his hand threw his hair and just sat there. He made no move to touch Harry though he desperately wanted to comfort him. He looked to Hermione. "Do you have anything with you for this?"

Hermione was already going through her bag. She suspected since Harry had given no indication of such nausea before class that this was stress induced. Some kind of extreme panic attack. She'd dearly loved to have had that diagnostic spell done but they'd decided potions class would be the best opportunity to get some of Harry's blood. Sharp implements and all that.

"I have a calming draft and a stomach soother here. I dare not give him anything else for fear of making him ill." She looked where Harry was still heaving in the corner, "well more ill."

She handed them to Ron rather than move any closer herself. Best not to crowd him. She went back to the desk with her bag and pulled out the thermos for good measure. Tea after those potions could only help.

Ron started inching closer to Harry. He got as close as he dared and waited. They'd have to wait till he stopped heaving like that before they could attempt to give him anything.

After 15 grueling minutes that felt more like 15 hours to all parties involved Harry finally stopped. He sat back with his back to the wall and looked out in the classroom glassy eyed. He didn't dare look to Ron or Hermione.

 _Gods I'd been so careful_ he thought. He'd never wanted either of them to see this. No way their easy acceptance would continue. They wouldn't be happy just to help him straighten up and let him go.

"Harry can you try to take this for me please?" Ron held the stomach soother out at arms length. He didn't want to trigger Harry to start again.

"What is it," he asked dully still not looking at either of them.

"Just a stomach soother promise." Ron said holding it out still but inching forward only a scoot. Not so close that he was in Harry's space but enough Harry could take it without having to fully extend his arm.

Harry took it without complaint and downed it in one go. He could take those.

"This one too," Ron said holding out the second bottle, "it's a calming draft." He said without waiting for Harry to ask.

 _Merlin this day_ Harry thought. "I'm fine I don't need that." He could _NOT_ take that one. There were certain potions he could and could not take in his condition. Calming drafts were on the do not take list.

"Harry, you really should take it. The soother will help your stomach but this isn't a stomach bug. It's not going to help you." Hermione tried to convince him.

"No, I'm fine really. Maybe snacks didn't agree with me but I'm fine now, really." He really wasn't. The soother had helped but Hermione was right. His stomach wasn't really the cause of this. He couldn't explain though. He couldn't.

Ron looked at Hermione then back at Harry. Well he'd just been thinking Harry was accepting their help too placidly. Why did it have to be now though that he decided to balk? Sitting back a bit Ron looked back at Hermione again.

Silent conversation passed between their eyes. They could let it go or they could try and push it.

A confrontation was going to happen sooner or later.

Now though?

If not now it'll just be something else, but why not now. This is important.

"Harry, mate, I really need you to take this." Ron tried again.

 _Merlin why were they being so stubborn_ Harry whined to himself. He couldn't deal with this right now.

"No, I can't take it. Just leave it guys, I'm fine." He started trying to stand. He wobbled a bit, his legs feeling like jelly from exhaustion and sitting on the floor so long. Ron stood too but still made no move to approach. That was good, he couldn't deal with that right now. He started walking to the door but barely made it a few steps before he got dizzy, feeling lightheaded. 

Ron was at his side gripping his arm to stabilize him before he could go down. Harry's reaction was immediate. He pulled away so fast and hard he completely lost his balance and fell in the opposite direction knocked his hips into one of the student desks. Thankfully he landed partially on top of it rather than completely falling to the floor.

"You are many things Harry Potter, FINE is not one of them." Ron said harshly. "Dammit take the potion. It'll help you calm down."

"No." Harry whispered shaking his head still hunched over the desk not looking at either of them. "You don't know, you don't understand. I CAN'T."

"Harry! Take the damn potion!" Ron hissed harshly loosing control of his temper. This was intolerable. Bad enough that Harry was in this condition to begin with, whatever the hell it was, but he seemed determined to make it as painful for himself as humanly possible.

"Ron stop." Hermione had been watching. Harry wasn't being defiant. Stubborn yes, but he genuinely seemed to think he couldn't take the potion. "Think about what Harry said."

Harry started. What had he said? He was so out of it he wasn't really being as careful as he should have been. Hermione was too clever by half. _Shit shit shit_

"Harry why can't you, help us understand. You have had calming drafts before. You're not allergic to them."

 _No,_ Harry thought horrified. This isn't happening.

"I need to go." Harry made his way as quickly to the door as he dared. But before he even reached it was like a gentle force holding him back. Like trying to walk through quicksand. He couldn't reach the handle. "Let me out." Harry hissed sharply eyes narrowing.

Ron and Hermione shared another look. This wasn't how'd they'd planned it but maybe it was better. It was likely Harry would take sometime to get over the outrage of the diagnostic spell.

"No. We're done. This ends now. Whatever this is that's going on is _killing_ you. You're not getting better on your own and you're not getting help. We're not leaving here without answers Harry." Ron said decisively.

Harry was equal parts outraged and terrified. This was worse than any imagined confrontation he'd dreamed of. Never had he thought he'd be locked in somewhere during this conversation no where to go, _trapped, no way to get away._

 _"_ _Gods,"_ he mumbled harshly covering his mouth with his hand as he dashed back to his corner with the bin and started heaving again. "You have to let me out. You can't keep me here." Harry tried between heaves.

 _Bleeding Merlin_ thought Ron. He never wanted to hurt his friend like this and it was obvious that's what they were doing. He was resolute though. They'd left this long enough.

"I'm so sorry but no Harry no we're not going to do that." It was Hermione who spoke that time. She had her face in her hands though. This was painful for her too. Harry was so obviously hurting and so pig headed about not letting them in.

Harry just continued to heave harder. Panic at being trapped mixing with horror of discovery. He'd been lucky after the third task. The Dursleys hadn't locked him in his room as they'd done in the past. There'd been plenty of chores and not enough food (not that he was capable of eating it anyway) but for the most part he'd been free to roam. He'd spent as much time outdoors as he could. It wasn't until he got to headquarters that he realized how badly he reacted to being confined.

After another 10 minutes of throwing up Harry collapsed against the wall utterly exhausted. His panic hadn't diminished but his body didn't have the energy to keep him going at that kind of level.

" _Please,_ " he whispered desperately sounding truly defeated and pathetic, head back against the wall tilted up with his eyes closed both legs stretched out in front of him.

Ron moved away from where he'd been standing next to Hermione and back as close as he dared. He crouched back on the floor so as not to be towering over Harry. "Just tell us what's going on."

"I _can't!_ Why won't you understand that I can't!"

"Harry we can't help you if we don't know what's going on."

He laughed bitterly at that. No one could help him. Not with this.

"Please let us in" Hermione tried again. "It'll be okay."

"NO PART OF THIS IS OKAY!" Harry screamed suddenly fierce. "NONE OF IT. IT'S A NIGHTMARE, EVERY SECOND OF IT. TELLING YOU ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE THAT! TELLING YOU ISN'T GOING TO MAKE IT BETTER. YOU CAN'T FIX THIS." After that it was like every last ounce of energy left his body, like a dementor sucking out a soul. "No one can make this better, no one." And then he was crying.

Great heaving sobs like he'd never cried in his life. Sobs that had been building for months but had had no where to go.

Every fiber of Ron and Hermione's being wanted to go to Harry and hold him. But the _couldn't._ They didn't understand it but they'd known for months now touching Harry was out.

"Please Harry please tell us what's going on. I'm begging you. Nothing is worth this." Ron said devastatingly. He'd never in all his life seen pain like this. It was excruciating to watch. He couldn't even imagine what it was like to feel it.

"I can't I can't" Harry said shaking his head between sobs his face in his hands now.

"Anything Harry anything you can give us so we can help you." Hermione said crying silently tears as well.

Finally, finally after almost 7 months of silence, Harry cracked. "Glamour," he whispered between sobs gesturing to his body.

Ron was bewildered but Hermione understood the message. She gestured for Ron to move out of the way. He got up to stand back beside her in the middle of the classroom. She didn't know what glamour Harry was using but it didn't matter. She knew a spell strong enough to despell the most powerful of glamours.

She took a deep breath to steady herself and looked to Ron to make sure he was ready. It didn't matter what they were about to see. Neither of them could react without causing more harm to Harry. Harm he most defiantly didn't need right now. Ron knew that well as she. It's what they'd discussed about the results of the diagnostic spell they'd originally planned. Ron seemed to be struggling more than she to center himself but eventually she saw the tension leave his shoulders and he nodded.

" _terminus omnis fallaciae,_ " Hermione intoned quietly.

Ron's sudden grip on her arm would definitely bruise tomorrow. _That wasn't possible. Wizards can't it's not possible._ She thought lost and horrified.

She looked to Ron bewildered. He'd not made a sound but he looked like every drop of blood had drained from his face. He also looked like he might be sick himself.

Something in his face forced Hermione's mind away from the impossibility of what she was seeing and to see the _reality_ that was in front of her. She started cataloging,

 _Doesn't like to be touched_

 _Panic at being trapped_

 _Depressed_

 _Angry_

 _Constantly stressed to the point of illness_

 _Oh my god._

"Who" Ron said with no inflection. Harry just sobbed harder.

Harry looked about 6 or 7 months along to Hermione. She started counting back. It'd have been at the start of the summer beginning of July or maybe end of… June. She closed her eyes. _This wasn't happening._

This just _wasn't_ happening.

Hermione's mind began conjuring a million different nightmare images of that night. She remembered how lost and broken Harry'd looked in the hospital wing. It could have been any one of them. All of them even. She was going to be sick. _Voldemort_. Not _happening_.

She didn't know what to say. What do you say to this?

"Harry who did this?" Ron asked again more insistent. He looked ready to kill now.

"Ron," she whispered as quietly as possible hoping Harry wouldn't hear over the sound of his own sobs. He turned on her so fast his head looked like it would spin clean off. He opened his mouth to say something angry to her no doubt. "June" she whispered.

Ron was confused for all of a second. One second he immediately wished had lasted a lifetime because then he understood to.

"Merlin," he whispered before turning back to Harry.

This wasn't even on the list of things they'd thought might be going on with Harry. Closest they'd come was thinking perhaps he'd been closer to Cedric than anyone knew and this was some type of grief reaction.

Harry's sobs were finally slowing down. Not that he was done crying just more he'd run out of steam again and had no energy.

"Ok," said Hermione trying to get some normality going. "Ok, Harry was right, calming draft is definitely out."

Harry let out a chocked laugh. Yeah, he'd known that already.

"Harry, we're _going_ to make you talk about this," Harry immediately tensed. "Not now definitely not now but soon. When you're ready. And you will be ready someday. I promise. The only thing we need to know right now is what _YOU_ want to do about the… baby."

Baby. It was the first time he'd thought that word. _IF_ he thought about it, and that was a rare as he could make it, it was always the child. A child he'd find in the chamber and then get rid of.

"I… I haven't… there's an opening out of the castle through the chamber of secrets. It… can't stay here. It's not safe." Harry mumbled all this not looking up from his stomach. Despite showering daily it was like he was seeing it for the first time.

Somehow confessing to Ron and Hermione had brought everything into sharp relief. He was pregnant. He was pregnant. There was a CHILD growing inside him. Suddenly he looked up at them wildly.

"We were doing stunning spells. That wouldn't be safe."

"You're right that wouldn't have been," said Hermione soothingly. She started moving over to Harry. He'd clearly had enough today and wasn't up for much conversation.

This time she made it to his side. He may flinch away from her but she wanted to offer him any comfort she could now that he was calmer. He watched her approach and watched her sit on the floor next to him. Very slowly she started extending her arm to wrap around him. She hadn't fully extended it and he was in her arms. Almost in her lap really. He'd glued himself her side as if by magic and laid his head on her shoulder. She finished wrapping her arm around him holding him as tightly as she could.

Ron made his way over to his other side. He didn't reach out to hold Harry because he didn't want to overwhelm him but he got as close as he could. He was going to kill them. Every single one of them who _dared_. Their deaths would take months, _years._ They'd long beg for death before he'd grant it to them. And if Voldemort was on that list than so be. He'd find a way where no one else had.

Never in his life had he known rage like this. Never had he known rage like this was even possible. Oh he'd heard horror stories about what Death Eaters did to their victims. Never had he seen the end result paraded in front of him. The horrible fallout that's left in a person's life after that. Harry had been falling apart for months. They'd thought disease or blood poisoning or grief trauma. Never ever did this pass through their minds. And as if what'd they done wasn't enough, Harry was sitting here with the permanent consequences growing inside of him.

Ron had never heard of a pregnant wizard in all his life. Didn't even know how it was possible. That was going to have to be for Hermione to find out. Let her research that. He'd research what he was going to do to the bastards. One by one he'd hunt them down. It didn't matter if they'd touched Harry that night in the graveyard he decided. If they'd been there they were dead.

To Hermione it was clear Harry hadn't made any true plans about this… whatever this was. She'd never heard of the like in any of her studies. The sanctioned or the unsanctioned ones. She worried immediately about the safety of this. Male bodies weren't meant for this.

"Harry, you don't need to talk about when it happened but I need to know… wizards can't get pregnant so."

"Hermaphroditemagus." Harry mumbled.

"What?"

"Like Metamorphmagus only different." Harry sighed not wanting to discuss this. "I have books from Sirus' house. They explain it, you can read them."

"Ok Harry, I still have your occlumency reading list for you too." Hermione didn't push. That explained the missing books then, Another mystery solved. Though the term Harry had used was pretty self explanatory at least as to how he'd gotten pregnant. No doubt the books would explain the rest of the mechanics to her.

For now she'd just sit and hold her friend. After they'd dealt with this she needed to talk to Ron. First and foremost she'd start helping him with the plans he was already, no doubt, making for those responsible for this. Then they'd discuss Harry's training.

They'd waited too long as far as she was concerned. It might not have made a difference but the whole reason Ron and her had been studying Slytherin's library was so they could defend themselves and help defend Harry. That training had done Harry no good that night. They hadn't been there. They hadn't been able to protect him.

They couldn't change what had happened. They could make sure going forward that Harry could protect himself.

HPHPHPHPPHPHP

 _AN: wow hadn't expected that. That totally wasn't how them finding out was going to go. Honestly Severus was supposed to figure it out first ages from now. Then Flitwick had to do stunning spells and it just rolled out. I couldn't see Ron and Hermione letting Harry out of that room after a reaction like that._


	5. Chapter 2

_AN: K wanted to be clear here. Ron and Hermione handled that situation in like literally the worst way imaginable. What happened there is RE-TRAUMATIZATION. Without meaning to they recreated aspects of Harry's assault. They took away his power and control over his own person at a time when he's extremely vulnerable. Bad bad bad, not good, bad._

 _Snape would have been loads less traumatic for Harry. He's an adult and if you look REALLY hard you'll see he's been outlining his knowledge as we go. Sadly it just didn't write that way. Poor Harry._

 _Ugh so many AN. I swear they'll slow down. We will get past this bit._

 _Note: Blue Cohosh. Totally did my own thing with that. I'm not a herbalist and know very few names of potion ingredients and herbs. I know that one though. Keep in mind this is fiction._

 _Moving on to the story_

 _5._

Harry felt hollowed out. Like someone had opened him up and just started emptying him with a spoon. Never in a million years had he planned on telling. He didn't feel particularly better now that he had told either.

He'd been desperate for some kind of comfort after his meltdown. Feeling raw and exposed he clung to Hermione, now he just felt horribly numb and angry.

He pulled away from Hermione sitting up more fully. Ron was on the other side of him but wasn't touching him. That was good. It gave his brain space to think.

"Can we go now?" Harry asked somewhat tersely. He didn't like being trapped here.

Hermione, to her credit at least, seemed to pick up on the change in his mood. Honestly he kept whipping through emotions so fast he felt like he was on a roller-coaster. He could barely keep up and he was feeling them it was surprising she could.

"Oh my god," she whisper horrified. Her wand was out in seconds and Harry could feel the tingling magic as her enchantments went down. "They're down Harry, everything but the privacy ward."

Harry nodded feeling like oxygen was flowing back into the room a bit. He hadn't been able to breathe. "I'm so sorry Harry. We thought you were ODing on dark arts somehow or something else. We never thought.."

"It's fine," Harry cut her off. Now that his head was clearing a bit it was also shutting back down. He didn't want to talk about this. He'd file it in his mind next to the other thing that never happened.

Harry took out his wand and reapplied the glamour to himself. Hermione chewed on her lip frowning. She could practically see Harry visibly withdrawing again. A quick glance at Ron showed he was noticing too.

He opened his mouth to say something but Hermione shook her head. Thinking back over what she'd read years ago about abuse survivors she acknowledged to herself this had been handled quite possibly the worst way.

Knowing what they were dealing with now, Hermione considered Harry needed _more_ autonomy not less. Autonomy and support. And help.

Hermione winced. They needed help. They were out of their depth here. They could give Harry all their love and support. They _needed_ to be ironclad in respecting his boundaries. But they were going to need more help than just the three of them.

Harry cast a _tempus._ "Lunch started 10 minutes ago. We should go."

Ron stood and offered his hand to Harry to pull him up. They couldn't see it anymore but Ron still knew now how heavily pregnant his friend was. All the up and down on the floor can't have been good for him.

Harry stared at his hand blankly. Almost as if he didn't understand what he was seeing. His brain felt both clearer and more foggy. He contemplated it for a moment before he took it. Ron let go as soon as he was on his feet.

"Maybe we can eat in the kitchens," Hermione suggested carefully. She wanted give Harry the freedom to choose but at the same time couldn't imagine sitting in the Great Hall for another hour after this.

Harry thought about it but shook his head. "No we need to eat in the Hall. And before you suggest it we need to go to classes too. The professors will look the other way if I'm late on assignments or out of it in class. They won't ignore me just not showing up. Snape especially won't."

Ron and Hermione shared a look. That would've been their suggestion. They'd even planned that for Charms class if Harry proved unwell after Transfiguration.

 _Autonomy_ Hermione thought to herself sighing. Harry was right of course but she'd still dearly love to pack him away somewhere. Perhaps for the next... she did the math... 9 weeks if he delivered on a typical schedule. She admitted to herself she could be wrong though. She needed those books from Harry.

"Ok Great Hall it is," sighed Ron. He didn't like it but could see Harry's point. He could also see Hermione's acceptance of Harry's words.

They spent a few minutes gathering their stuff before heading out. Harry took off ahead of them. Not leaving them behind per say but Definitely not walking with them.

Hermione cursed internally. More distance. They'd definitely screwed up.

They sat in their seats from this morning. Breakfast had been a quite affair, however all their meals mostly had been. Harry just hadn't been up for much communicating. Lunch was quite too but where this morning the atmosphere had been somewhat peaceful this meal was stony silent.

As Ron began serving himself Hermione tried to catch Harry's attention. She'd done a lot of research on the types of foods that were better or worse for someone struggling with a weak stomach and their initial plan had been to try and get Harry to focus on those.

Harry ignored her and served himself this time. It didn't matter in his mind. He knew his stomach wasn't going to be able to handle anything anyway. He had no intentions of really eating.

He bit a sharp "I'm fine Hermione" for good measure incase she hadn't caught the hint. Hermione thankfully left it.

After a few bites he did finally look at her. "Do you have that list yet? For my... extracurricular class?" He needed to get to work on his occlumency as soon as possible. If Ron and Hermione was bad it was nothing to Snape finding out. They at least would keep this to themselves. Snape would tell everyone.

At least he hoped they'd keep it to themselves. He started chewing his bottom lip worried as Hermione nodded and started riffling threw her bag. She got the list and handed it to him.

He hadn't said before. He'd been so keen to get out of that classroom and not be alone with them anymore that'd he'd not stopped to extract vows of silence from them.

He looked sideways at Ron beside him and back at Hermione suddenly worried. What if Ron told his parents? Or Hermione went to McGonagall? It wouldn't be the first time.

"You can't tell anyone." He whispered harshly suddenly. "Nobody can know about this." He demanded not asked. If anyone knew he didn't know what'd he do. The shame of all this was suffocating on its' own. For people to know... Where Voldemort had failed, that'd kill him. He was certain of it.

Ron carefully put down his utensils. Harry had been having explosive bouts of anger now for months. He looked like he was gearing up for another. He better understood what was happening now but it didn't stop his immediate reaction to get angry back. He was also suddenly hurt that Harry would think that of him.

"Of course we'd never say anything Harry. Why would you even think that?"

"Because it wouldn't be the first time you tattled to a teacher." He hissed furiously. How dare Ron act like he was being unreasonable! He'd certainly never steamrolled either of them. And suddenly the anger that had started simmering in the classroom was all he could feel. "You had no right! Either of you," He spat carefully still keeping his voice as low as he could given their surroundings. "This isn't your secret to tell. If either of you breathe a word of this.."

"You're right Harry of course you're right about all of it. We won't say anything until you say we can," Hermione felt like she'd been slapped when Harry mentioned tattling. That'd been directed at her she knew even if Harry had been looking to Ron when he said it.

Harry went back to moving food around his plate. When Ron looked like he was going to retort angrily back Hermione nudged his leg with her foot. He looked back at her and she shook her head. Harry was angry and truthfully had every right to be.

This wasn't the place to work it out though. Harry didn't need anymore stress. They still had two classes left. If they pushed Harry into a full on breakdown here they'd be as good as breaking their promise.

How had been able to hide this was beyond her. They'd known Harry was ill but they had no experience with _pregnancy_. That Madam Pomfrey or one of the teachers hadn't caught on was a miracle.

Ron grumbled a bit but went back to his food.

When the warning bell rang for their next class Ron and Hermione started moving. At their questioning look Harry sighed. "We're with the Slytherins. We'll be standing outside the class for nearly 10 minutes waiting for Snape. It's better to risk being late than risk a confrontation with them that ends in spells flying about." Harry sort of blinked to himself after he said it. He'd been just shy of late to every class they had with the Slytherins for that very reason, but this was the first time he'd consciously admitted why to himself. He'd not really thought about it.

Ron was looking at him funny in a way that made him self conscience. He averted his eyes. "Look just hang out for a minute than we'll go."

Ron honestly hadn't processed all the implications of this yet. Hearing Harry say that made realize his friends life had been completely altered and he hadn't seen it. "Yeah ok," he mumbled and sat back down.

He contemplated the next thing he wanted to say very carefully. He didn't want to upset Harry further. "You know... I'll help you right. With the snakes and... after right?" Swallowing he wished he had Hermione's way with words. He felt awkward trying to say this.

"Yeah... that's... that's great." Harry said not really knowing what to say to that.

"Whatever you need Harry. You're not alone with this anymore. Or at least you don't have to be if you don't want to." Hermione didn't want to push him. She knew he was still angry. They had a long discussion ahead of them about many things but she hoped he'd hear the implied message. That they'd help, but that they'd follow his lead too. They weren't going to try and force him again like they'd done before.

"I honestly don't know what I want. This is all so messed up." Harry felt like he was going to fall apart again. "Look can we not discuss this now. I really just can't."

"Yeah no problem mate," Ron said quickly taking his queue from Hermione. Ron looked sideways at Hermione. They hadn't discussed it but with Harry planning to make use of the chamber of secrets it was fortunate they hadn't crossed paths in there. "After classes we can talk." When Harry looked like he was going to protest Ron put his hands up. "Not about that if you don't want, I mean you can, if you want that's totally great, I mean not great. Obviously not great, oh bugger."

Harry was laughing. Not loudly. More snickers than anything but still amused. "You done?" Harry asked cheekily.

"What I mean is Hermione and I have been keeping some stuff from you that it's long past time we told you about." Ron finally got out.

Instantly the anger was front and center again, "keeping from me?"

"Yes," Hermione cringed. "But we're going to tell you everything. After classes". Hermione knew exactly what Ron was talking about. She'd planned on talking to Ron first but he obviously felt the same way she did.

It was long past time they told Harry their suspicions about Dumbledore and everything they knew about Slytherin's library. She cringed again. Harry was going to go ballistic but they'd have to deal with that. They'd known if it was ever safe to tell Harry, if he was distanced enough from the headmaster, he'd be angry when he found out. They had been essentially lying to him for years.

Harry forced himself to calm down. They needed to go to class and he couldn't do that raging. "After classes then. We can probably take off now."

As they made their way out of the Great Hall. A pair of black eyes tracked their progress. They'd be almost exactly on time. Maybe 30 seconds after him if he left now making them unacceptably late. Severus decided to finish his tea.

He'd been shocked, though he didn't allow himself to show it, when the three of them had walked in. The difference from now and this morning was profound. The rage coming off Potter was palpable. He narrowed his eyes. The guilt coming off the Granger girl was palpable too. What had they done?!

No doubt something extremely stupid and Gryffindorish.

He subtly kept watch as Granger tried to direct Potter's menu options as she'd done this morning. Potter quickly rebuffed her and proceeded to play with what'd he put on his plate rather than eat it.

Wonderful. Idiot Gryffindors. Rolling his eyes internally. They couldn't even maintain for a full day. And he'd been just thinking this morning that that at least wasn't a problem _he'd_ have to deal with. Blast it!

He noticed the conversation Filius was having with Minerva. Apparently the three had left class today because the boy was ill. Filius wasn't concerned they'd missed the lesson. Apparently it was stunning charms and all three of them knew those satisfactorily.

"Did they say what was wrong with Mr. Potter?" Minerva asked concerned. They'd all seen the boys declining health. "I had them first thing this morning and he appeared fine. Even handed in his assignment on time."

"Yes yes Mr. Potter handed in his assignment for me today as well. Honestly I'd gotten used to late homework from him. Mr. Weasley suggested he ate something funny at breakfast."

That was news. The boy never turned in late assignments for his class. He wouldn't accept them regardless. And eating something bad at breakfast was unlikely. Everything Granger had chosen from him were things even the weakest stomach should be able to handle unless there was something medically wrong. Or the boy's eating problems had nothing to do with poor health as he suspected but rather something phycological.

"Poppy" Minerva called grabbing her attention, "did you have a look at Mr. Potter this morning?"

"No, he never came into the hospital wing, was he supposed to?" Poppy had been trying to get the headmaster to compel the boy for a physical all year but to no avail.

"No no just had to leave class early is all. I'll keep an eye on him," Minerva said absently.

Severus was gnashed his teeth together. If the boy was ill enough to leave class he damn well should have been in the hospital wing.

As he ate his own meal he continued to surreptitiously observe. Lovely and now they were arguing. He shook his head. It didn't matter as long as they didn't make whatever was going on worse. He scowled. Now that he thought of it, he doubted he could count on that.

What had those 2 idiot children done during their Charms period? Something to anger Potter and cause him to rebuff the assistance he'd easily enough accepted this morning. Something Granger felt guilty about.

He'd just have to deal with it this evening. He already planned on intervening and starting to lay the ground work today. In class he'd inform Potter he was needed tonight for additional occlumency lessons.

He had no plans for actual occlumency though. Tonight he'd start the boy on meditation. Either before or after he'd have to talk to the boy too. Probably best to do it before.

He was still unsure what level of information he should give the boy. While it was true he couldn't close his mind with occlumency yet, and therefore anything Severus told him was subject to discovery, starting this "new" relationship with the boy would be unsuccessful if he based it on lies or misinformation.

He glanced sideways at Albus. Well he'd wanted him to teach the boy occlumency. He refused to reassign the task when Severus had come to him and said he was unsuitable to do it. Now he was just going to have to live with the consequences. The amount of salvage satisfaction Severus had from that thought was unseemly.

Beyond meditation he couldn't make any additional plans till he knew what he was dealing with. As for what he'd tell the boy... well the truth should work well enough.

As he walked to the dungeons for class he tried to mentally prepare himself for what would no doubt be a trying lesson.

HPHPHPHPHP

Severus walked up just as the Gryffindor trio were walking up. He opened his door with a flourish as he always did.

With a barked IN the children scurried to their desks.

Severus waved his wand at the blackboard and the day's lesson began writing itself out.

"Today we'll be discussing a variant of the Draught of Peace called the Elixir of Quies. Quite literally meaning peacefulness. Can anyone tell me difference between the Draught and the Elixir?

Of course Granger's hand went up. He refused to indulge that. "Anyone?" He drawled. After a minute he sighed "very well Granger?"

"The Draught of Peace relieves anxiety and agitation while leaving the drinker slightly drowsy but mostly unchanged. The Elixir is classified as a mind altering substance. It places the drinker in mildly euphoric state making them feel calm and at peace regardless of what is going on around them."

"A typically textbook definition Ms. Granger. I believe the question was to explain the differences not define each potions effects in their entirety." That had to be the most annoying child in existence he thought as he turned back to the board and started writing. "In essence yes, one targets specific emotions and suppresses them while the other suppresses everything"

"This potion is illegal to brew in its entirety without the proper licenses from the Ministry. However the process of brewing it is important to several other variations. Therefore we'll be brewing through the first 2 stages." He swung back around and glared at his students, taking particular time to meet the eyes of a few amateur brewers he knew of in the class, Granger among them. "If I find out you have brewed this potion on your own at a later date I will have you removed from this class OWLs be damned, NO EXCEPTIONS."

This day really couldn't get any worse for Harry. So far he'd been careful in potions class. Avoiding ingredients that could do him harm and deliberately failing on potions it would be harmful for him to inhale. He'd carefully reviewed the syllabus provided at the first of the year and their potions books making a mental list of good or bad potions. He'd never heard of this Elixir. He had no idea if it was ok or not.

"The instructions are on the board. You have 1 hour. No talking." With that Snape made his way to his desk and started working on some paperwork.

Harry carefully reviewed the ingredients list. Hellebore, and it was the first ingredient. Belladonna also bad. But it was the last ingredient that brought Harry up short Blue Cohosh. That was a down right forbidden ingredient. Brewed the right way (or in this case the wrong way if someone screwed up their potion) the fumes of that could make him go into labor. Right here. _Right now_.

Harry looked wildly to Hermione at the desk next to him. She was reading the list frowning too. When her eyes got to the end they widened dramatically and she paled. She turned and looked at Harry.

He couldn't be here. He couldn't be here for this class at all. Harry looked like he was about to have another panic attack. She looked to Ron at the desk at the other side of Harry and made a vague gesture at Harry. He'd need to deal with that, she needed to deal with this class.

 _Think think_ she thought. She needed to do something that would cancel class for the day. She cringed but straightened her spine. Snape was going to kill her for this but needs must.

Hermione dashed as quickly as she could to the potions cupboard. She needed to do this before Snape started his rounds. She didn't dare grab anything that wasn't on the ingredient list. Snape was going to launch a full scale investigation after this and she couldn't risk being accused of doing this deliberately.

She made her way back to the desk and started organizing what she had. She started grinding her teeth when she realized nothing here could do what she needed it to do while also not harming Harry if he breathed any of it in.

She'd have to risk it. She could mitigate some of the danger with just two other potion ingredients effectively eliminating any kind of fumes. Problem was they'd make it bigger but if Harry was in the cupboard… Thankfully she had them in her beaded bag. Unfortunately Professor Snape never let her wear it in class so it was currently in her book bag.

As surreptitiously as she could she crouched down and started riffling though her book bag. Beaded bag open and a quick whispered summoning charm she had what she needed.

Professor Snape looked like he was finishing with whatever he'd been working on.

 _It can't be helped_ she thought. There wasn't another way out of this. They couldn't stage another bout of illness with Harry as they'd done in Charms and even if they could it was unlikely Professor Snape would let him leave. This could likely end in her expulsion if not arrest if she was caught. If he suspected this was anything but a horrible accident.

She quickly dumped in the two ingredients she'd taken from her bag. It'd be less explosive if she could have let one of them simmer for a bit before adding the other but she couldn't risk Professor Snape seeing them. _5 minutes before she could add the others she thought._ For this to work the bit in the cauldron had to be acidic enough. She had to wait.

Ron looked like he was successfully managing to keep Harry calm. She didn't know what he was saying to him but it looked like it was working.

"Potter Weasley what part of no talking was difficult to understand!" The Professor barked from the front of the class.

"Sorry Professor," Ron tried to placate him. It was all he could do with whispered "Hermione is handling it just deep breaths, we got this," and any other nonsense he could come up with to keep Harry calm. He didn't know what the problem was but he gathered Hermione did. He also didn't know what she was doing either but he could guess. He didn't want Snape sweeping over here putting them under scrutiny or jeopardizing her plan. Which naturally is what he got up from his desk to do.

Fate was on their side for once. As soon as Snape rose from his chair there was a minor _poof_ of a cauldron across the room started emitting sparks that most definitely weren't part of the instructions.

"Ms. Parkinson the belladonna goes in after the wings not before." Professor Snape moved off to the Slytherin side of the room.

 _2 minutes._ "Harry needs to get his potion ingredients now," Hermione hissed urgently. Better to have some protection from the cupboard. The fumes of this shouldn't be toxic or harmful but it was going to be big.

Ron nodded and conveyed the message. Harry looked frantic but after a second nodded too. Ron waited a couple of beats before following at a slower pace. He slipped his wand into his hand. If Hermione wanted Harry in the cupboard that was worrying.

He spared a brief thought to Hermione's safety since she'd be closest but there was nothing he could do about that. He'd just have to hope she knew what she was doing.

All the sudden Hermione screamed at the top of her lungs "GET DOWN!" Pushing Millicent Bulstode who'd been standing at the desk next to her down to the floor before throwing up a shield charm between her and her cauldron and dropping to the floor.

Ron threw a shield as well but with his back to the potions cupboard where Harry was, facing the rest of the room.

There was a beat of 5 seconds and then BANG!

The explosion was massive. Bigger than Hermione had wanted. Despite the shield protecting her and her crouched position she was still thrown bodily back into the desk behind her. The force propelling her body into the desk which then proceeded to crash into the desk behind that one. Seamus had been standing behind her and he was smashed between the 2 desks getting knocked out in the process.

Ron who was further away but he and Snape were the only ones standing without any obstacles to dissipate the blast. He flew backwards into the open door against the wall behind him while Snape was also thrown back several inches falling to the floor.

There was silence for a moment before the yells and moans started.

It was absolute chaos. A crater was in the floor extending out from where Hermione's desk had been, down about six inches at it's deepest and tapering up. The entire length of it was about 3 desks wide and across.

Hermione's shield was actually intended to funnel the blast downward into the stone floor but I'd been so much larger than she'd wanted that a small amount of force had still radiated outward in every direction.

"Hermione," Ron said weakly pulling himself up. He spared a quick glance into the cupboard as he passed but Harry looked unharmed. In fact he was the only one not covered in a layer of stone dust.

Ron quickly assessed Hermione was alive if badly hurt. She had a nasty gash on her forehead that was bleeding profusely. He pulled off his robe to hold it to her head to try and stem the bleeding. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Harry had followed him and was kneeling on the floor next to him.

"Nobody move," Snape wheezed. He felt like several of his ribs were bruised if not broken and he too was bleeding from where he'd hit his head.

He sent a Patronus charm to Madam Pomfrey. He sent another to the headmaster. They were going to need help. Never in 14 years of teaching had there been an explosion of this magnitude in his class. He hadn't even heard of one in the last 100 years.

He started casting medical Imobileus charms on the unconscious students. Starting with Granger.

What the hell?!

Longbottom maybe might be capable of destruction like this but Granger. It was a apparent an air cleaning charm wasn't required. He could think of nothing on the ingredients list that'd do this without also causing noxious fumes. What. The. Bloody. Hell. Had that girl done.

He briefly checked to see if Granger's cauldron had survived but it appeared to have been obliterated. That too was suspicious. Anything capable of doing that to a cauldron should have had a greater explosive force outwards. It appeared as though the force had been directed downwards into the stone floor.

Rage. Her scream, knocking the other girl out of the way, and the shield all indicated Granger knew EXACTLY what she'd brewed.

Severus shook his head to clear it. Now wasn't the time for this. Moving through the students he started assessing the damage. Granger, Finnigan, Bulstode, and Zabini were the only unconscious ones. They'd been closest to the blast. Everyone else was sporting stunned and pained looks.

There appeared to be a fair number of broken bones, contusions, and bruises but nothing fatal. A quick diagnostic spell of the four unconscious students indicated no life threaten injuries.

He narrowed his eyes looking next Weasley. Out of everyone in the class Potter was the only absolutely uninjured student. Severus thought back and realized he'd been in the potions cupboard followed closely by Weasley.

Severus turned to look at the cupboard. Despite the damage to the door where Weasley had impacted it slightly knocking it off it's hinges there was no damage to the cupboard. That was either incredibly lucky or incredibly planned.

He hoped the girl didn't die. He wanted to kill her himself. She could have killed herself and her entire class with this stunt.

"BY MERLIN!" Poppy had finally arrived followed closely by the Headmaster, Minerva, and Pomona. Thank Merlin Umbridge wasn't among them though no doubt he'd be dealing with her soon.

"What happened here Severus?" The Headmaster asked gravely his eyes for once absent their trademark twinkle.

"An explosion, obviously," he snarked. "Granger, Finnigan, Bulstode, and Zabini are unconscious and I've already cast Imobileus charms on them. Diagnostics showed nothing life threatening. Everyone else seems to have escaped with minor injuries."

"I'll assess what's minor or not thank you," said Poppy briskly. "Sit down you fool before you fall down, you shouldn't be moving around and you certainly shouldn't be casting spells with a head wound." Poppy said from where she'd crouched to begin examining Finnigan. Until she was satisfied these student could be moved safely she wasn't going to move them.

Pomona, Minerva, and Albus all began triaging the students. Leaving the worst injuries to Poppy. Pomona came over to him and began popping off sparks in front of his eyes the infernal woman.

"I'm fine. A scratch and bump nothing more," he grouched following the light lite on the edge of her wand with his eyes. The sooner she was done the sooner he could get back assisting with the students.

"A bit more than a bump but no concussion." She moved her wand to the gash at the back of his head and cast a medical cleaning spell then cast a quick healing charm to seal it. "You've got some bruised ribs as well. I trust you can handle those?" She asked briskly.

He rolled his eyes obviously he could handle that. He was a Potions Master.

"Good" She said not bothered by his manners and moved off to handle the next injuried student.

Severus got up and made a beeline for where Poppy was now working on Granger. She dealt with and woken Finnigan and Bulstrode. Albus was handling Zabini. Severus pulled out his wand and cast a diagnostic on Weasley. Minor head wound, no concussion as well, fractured wrist, and he'd have some heavy bruising on his back where he'd impacted the door.

He checked the fracture didn't need to be realigned and healed it. Then he looked to Potter.

Potter's look was like a deer in headlights. "I'm fine Professor. I was in the cupboard."

Severus didn't disbelieve him but it was also obvious Potter didn't want to be examined. "I'll assess that Potter," and quickly cast the diagnostic before Potter could protest.

The result came back incomprehensible like he was trying to diagnose a wall or the spell had failed entirely. He cast again with the same results. He cast on Weasley and got the same results he'd gotten from him earlier.

Was Potter somehow interfering in the spell. That made no sense. He looked at Potter to question him but he looked white as a sheet.

" _Please!"_ He begged so low Snape had to strain his ears to hear him at all. "That spell won't work on me. I'm not injured from the blast I swear."

Severus briefly contemplated questioning him further but decided now was neither the time given the students that still needed healing nor the place given many of these students would no doubt be reporting his interactions to their parents and the Dark Lord from there.

Further, now was as good as any to start building trust. The boy obviously wasn't hurt. Severus had only cast it because the boy clearly didn't want to be examined.

"My office. Tonight 7pm. _Do not be late_ or I will bodily drag you to the infirmary for a diagnostic spell that does work. Understood?" He fully intended to look up as many variations as he could before his meeting with Potter anyway. He might or might not use them tonight but being unable to assess Potter's injuries at any time was unacceptable. Actually Poppy had treated the boy repeatedly she'd know one, he'd ask her.

Potter visibly sagged with relief as he moved away to start working on the last few cuts and scrapes left. After dealing with the students he'd deal with what the hell Granger had done. He needed to preform any number of diagnostics on the crater to see… the crater…

Oh he'd kill them. He didn't know if it was Weasley or Potter who'd done it but the crater had been clearly _Scourgified._ He hadn't cast a containment spell to preserve the residue of whatever Granger had brewed so focused as he'd been on the students.

Well he'd planned to summon the boy to his office anyway. Now he just had another reason.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHP

 _AN: Hermione built a BOMB in potions class. Madness but fun :D. I enjoyed that. I would recommend NOT trying that at home kids._


	6. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: Not mine don't own it._

 _AN: I feel like I'm doing a really poor job of explaining the dichotomy of Harry's mindset here. I don't want to imply he's got like separate personalities or something cuz that's not it at all. It's more like he's consciously choosing to detach himself mentally and emotionally from the reality of his situation when he's doing things like looking up which potions to avoid and so on and so forth._

 _The rest of the time he vacillates between extreme tempers, horrible depression, and numbness all while actively ignoring what's going on with his body. He literally doesn't see it because he doesn't WANT to see it._

 _And he's completely dissociated from the assault itself except when he's being forced to relive it either from the memories or things remind him of it like being trapped. That just didn't happen as far as he's concerned. It's a struggle to maintain that because he's constantly reminded of it but he tries._

 _Clear as mud?_

 _6._

Madam Pomfrey had determined Hermione needed to spend at least the night in the hospital wing. Harry was having difficulty fathoming what Hermione had done. She hadn't even hesitated as far as he could tell. They'd caused disturbances in Potions before for this reason or that (the firecracker came to mind) but this went way beyond that. She'd demolished the Potions classroom in under 20 minutes. Built what amounted to a bomb and set it off so Harry's secret could go undiscovered.

Harry himself could think of no way to get out of class at the time short of just running for it. Of course that would have had the unpleasant side effect of having to be explained later. Although this had had an unpleasant side effect as well.

Snape had tried a standard diagnostic spell on him. Normally the spell would work fine but because he was keeping his body somewhere between male and female, not really fully one gender or the other, the spell would only give back gibberish unable to make heads or tails of what was diagnostically normal or not.

There were different diagnostic spells that worked differently by simply returning results about everything rather than specifically trying to identify only problems. It'd be up to the caster to categorize all the results and determine what was or was not an issue that required healing. No doubt the results would confuse the hell out of anyone who casted it on him but he was pretty sure _pregnant_ wouldn't go ignored and would be investigated.

Classes had been cancelled for all students involved in the blast so Harry and Ron were just sitting in Hospital Wing waiting for Hermione to wake up on her own.

Harry marveled at how badly today had gone. He was still emotionally off balance after his confrontation with his friends during Charms. Physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted in general as he'd been for months now, and now he had a meeting with Snape after dinner to round out what had literally been the worst day imaginable for him. Really all that was missing was a confrontation with Umbridge.

He looked over at Ron when he heard him sigh. "What was Snape hissing at you earlier?"

Harry cringed, he didn't want to discuss this here with Madam Pomfrey so close, "He tried to cast a diagnostic spell on me. They won't work right now."

Ron looked at him intently for a moment before looking around. He was loathe to leave Hermione. They were the only ones in the Hospital Wing and Madam Pomfrey was in her office having given them permission to stay until dinner so long as the didn't make a disturbance.

Ron took out his wand and cast privately ward. Normally he wouldn't use such spells in front of Harry, he'd let Hermione do it, not being able to explain how he knew spells Harry didn't. However since they planned on coming clean anyway... and he really didn't want the conversation overheard.

Harry immediately tensed when he felt the magic surrounding them. Was he trapping him again? Only the thought of Madam Pomfrey so closed by kept Harry from breaking down.

"What are you..."

"I just wanna talk privately." Ron was taken off guard by Harry's reaction. It was just a privacy ward after all.

"So you're locking me in again so I can't leave when I won't answer you." Harry hissed getting more frantic despite his best efforts. He hated being trapped, hated it. He couldn't stop his mind from bringing up recollections of being held down. Unable to get away.

"Locking you... what... Harry no it's just a privacy ward. You can leave whatever you want. It won't stop you, just keeps us from being overheard and warns me if anyone is coming, that's all." Ron felt instantly guilty. They'd never intended to make Harry afraid of _them._ And that was clearly what was on Harry's face despite his angry words.

"Here I'll take them down if you want me too, but I figured you didn't want to risk being overheard by Pomfrey." Ron already had is wand out again ready to take them down at Harry's word.

Harry struggled with himself. The irrational part of himself screaming _trapped_ _trapped not safe_ while his logical self heard Ron's words and agreed being overheard was bad.

"Just tell me before you do something like that again," he said finally shifting in his seat. He just had to keep reminding himself he could leave. And now that his initial panic response had abated a bit he _could_ feel the difference in the magic surrounding him. It obviously wasn't holding him here.

Ron nodded and went to put his wand away. Looking at Harry he thought better of it. Instead of putting his wand in the holster up his sleeve he tossed it onto the foot of Hermione's bed. He could still get at but he hoped it being out of his hands and in Harry's line of sight would help stifle some of his fears.

Harry caught the gesture and nodded gratefully.

"So Snape," Ron said finally, "why doesn't the diagnostic work on you?"

"The standard one is meant to detect _problems._ My whole body is a problem right now. It just gives back gibberish."

"Your whole body? What does that mean?"

Harry scowled at having to discuss this but tried to keep his temper. "It means I should be a girl right now."

Ron was very confused. This whole situation was confusing. "You mentioned Tonks before and something else, does this have something to do with that? Herma… something" He asked trying to put the pieces together.

"Hermaphroditemagus. It means I can be a boy or a girl but I shouldn't be both. At least not while I'm," he struggled to get the word out " _pregnant._ I can get pregnant either way but I should've shifted to a girl ages ago. Male bodies don't really have the… equipment I guess… to do…this." He said gestured vaguely to his body.

"But you are…doing this I mean…I saw…" Ron was struggling hard to understand this. It was difficult to image his friend in that state. Even having seen it with his own eyes he hadn't really accepted it yet. And he couldn't think about it without raging about _how_ Harry had ended up in this state to begin with. He knew it wouldn't be helpful to Harry though if he started blasting things. Perhaps it was a better thing than he thought he didn't have his wand handy.

"Right now I'm kind of both. Outside one way and inside another. It throws the diagnostics."

"But that's not good…" it certainly didn't sound good to Ron. He didn't have to book knowledge Hermione had but that didn't sound particularly healthy, or safe for that matter. He didn't want to but his mind started puzzling the mechanics of how that would work. No definitely not healthy. "What about when you… when it's time?"

"I don't know Ron okay!" Harry exploded at his limit with talking about this. "I guess I figured I'd cut it out okay."

"You'd cut… just on your own without telling anyone?" Ron whispered appalled. Bloody hell Harry was going to kill himself.

"YES! Of course I never planned to tell anyone. No one can know about this, _I DON'T WANT TO KNOW IT!"_ Harry screamed frustrated. " _NO ONE WAS EVER SUPPOSED TO KNOW THIS, NOT YOU, NOT HERMIONE, NO ONE. IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS."_ How dare Ron act like he was doing something wrong. Like he had any right to know this. Harry collapsed back in his chair having at some point stood up without even realizing it. He felt like he'd been hollowed out again. He hated this. He was constantly shifting between emotions with no control, no center.

A part of Harry did understand that what he was suggesting was crazy. That he would most likely not survive it. He just hadn't given it any real thought, so consumed with keeping his secret and trying to make it though everyday _not knowing_ what was happening to him. It was exhausting to constantly try to keep the memories at bay, try to act normal anyway, and actively ignoring his condition.

In spare moments of clarity he'd taken steps to figure out what he should avoid (like potions) but even that hadn't been consciously done. It'd been more like he was in a fog and just operating on auto pilot. His confrontation with Ron and Hermione earlier and this discussion now was forcing Harry to think about things he'd deliberately not allowed himself to think about.

"Look I can't talk about this okay. I just can't," he said finally tiredly.

Ron dithered for a moment. He dearly wanted to rage at the horribly bad idea Harry had just dropped on him. He couldn't stop himself imagining walking into the dorm one day and finding Harry _dead,_ cut open like that. What he was describing was just insanity, pure and complete insanity. He looked to Hermione hoping she'd suddenly wake up to help him deal with this. Harry couldn't be allowed to think they'd just let him cut himself open like that. Harry was not in any state to continue along that line of questioning right now though.

"Okay…" he said slowly finally. "I'll let it go for now, but we're going to have to come back to this at some point Harry. What you're suggesting… well maybe Hermione can come up with something else okay?"

Would come up with something else he wanted to say. Harry's plan wasn't going to happen, that was for sure. He didn't want to force Harry again, his reaction to the privacy ward still livid in his mind, but here he was drawing the line. Harry could hate him forever, but he wasn't going to allow him to kill himself.

Hopefully Hermione could come up with solution all of them were okay with, one that didn't force any of them to extremes. He forced himself to take a deep breath and calm down.

"So Snape noticed the diagnostic didn't work and said what?"

"He wants to see me in his office tonight at 7," Harry answered dully. "He said if I didn't show he'd drag me to the hospital wing for a diagnostic that did work."

"Are there diagnostics that would work?" Ron asked dreading the answer, seeing another disaster on the horizon.

"A few," Harry admitted. "They're scans rather than diagnostic spells. They'd basically account for all my bodily functions without trying to interpret them. I'd be up to him to look at the results and piece it together."

"Okay… that's… shit." Ron cursed. That wasn't good. He stood up and started pacing. They needed a way to avoid that meeting but he honestly couldn't think of one short of _obliviating_ Snape and he couldn't see that working out well.

"I've been sitting here trying to come up with a reason not to go Ron, I can't find it," Harry whispered hopelessly.

"Just let me think for a moment." He said running his hand through his hair. "We could always just kill him," he said finally aiming for some humor.

It worked, Harry let out a choked laugh before glaring at him. This wasn't the time for jokes in his opinion.

"I don't know Harry, we need Hermione, maybe there is some spell we could apply to you. Like a shield that'll block any scans from working. I don't know of one, not in the hour and half we got left."

Harry cringed. He was hoping Ron might see some strategy he was missing. He didn't want to meet with Snape. Going, when Snape clearly knew he didn't want to be examined and conventional diagnostics wouldn't work, left him feeling sick and exposed. Would Snape have looked something up by now? Something that would work. Would he be hit with it before he even made his way in the door.

Snape finding out about this was intolerable. If Snape knew he'd tell Dumbledore, Dumbledore knowing meant the Order knowing. The Order meant Siri and Moony. Harry nearly whimpered at the thought of what Sirus and Remus' reaction would be. Thinking of their faces drawn in disgust, or worse pity, was possibly the most horrible thing Harry could imagine. He couldn't live with the shame of it. He couldn't.

"There's no guarantee he's going to hit you with any spells," Ron argued trying to be logical. "He doesn't really have a reason to. No justification."

"And that's stopped Snape in the past," Harry said dubiously.

"Short of leaving school, I'm not seeing any other option than to hope for the best. You've had an Occlumency lesson and he didn't find anything." Although the look of Harry last night made more sense now that he was thinking about it.

"Look we'll just go to dinner. If the Greasy Git tries to pop off some spell, hit him with a stunner. You can say it's like, I don't know, stress or something. By the time they try again hopefully Hermione will be awake and we'll have a shield or something in place. Maybe there's a way to return false readings," Ron suggested weakly. Really of all his plans this was the worst he thought.

He still didn't want to leave Hermione but it was dinner time and Madam Pomfrey would be there soon to kick them out anyway. "I'll start doing research now while you go eat," he said moving back to the bed for his wand. He swished it and pulled down the privacy ward. "Please try and eat."

"Hope and pray that's our strategy," Harry said sardonically ignoring the comment about his eating habits.

Ron gave him a weak smile. "Yeah pretty much, or kill him. That's still an option."

Harry's answering simile was similarly weak, "Yeah, we'll keep that one on reserve."

Harry knew he wasn't going to be eating much at dinner.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

Severus made his way back to his office after another grueling staff meeting. That harpy was insufferable. She'd spent the entire meeting alternating between interrogating him on what had happened today and making twittering comments about how nothing so dangerous had happened in _her_ classroom.

When she'd been told what potion they were working on, that had started another 10 minute barrage of questions about Ministry regulations until Albus had pointed out that that potion was routinely one of the questions on the OWL exams set by the _Ministry._ That at least had shut her up for a few minutes.

Severus had given his abridged analysis of the _crime,_ for that was what he thought of it, _a crime,_ in the meeting. Earlier he'd given his complete assessment to the Headmaster.

He was certain the explosion had been deliberate. Albus had discouraged him from making such accusations in the meeting in front of the Harpy. As if he'd needed telling of that. Nothing sensitive could be said in front of her.

He'd spent all afternoon checking his classroom. The cretin that s _courgified_ the scene had been thorough. There was not one ounce of the potion left to analyze. He'd carefully checked his stores to find any missing ingredients but found nothing missing except what'd they'd been working with.

Initially, he thought this might have been another staged disruption to raid the potion cupboard as Potter and his friends had done in the past, but there was no evidence of that.

What followed was a frustrating few hours writing out possible ingredient combinations that would result in such a blast. While they may not have left the potion behind, there were still clues to analyze. Frustratingly few clues, but clues all the same.

There was nothing on the ingredient list that would have resulted in a explosion of that magnitude on it's own. Meaning, Granger, had added something not on the list. Further, his initial reaction to cast an air cleaning charm had proven unnecessary as he'd noted at the time.

Another half an hour going through possible combinations of ingredients confirmed his initial assessment. Should a blast had _somehow_ occurred, there should have been fumes. All of this added up to the girl bringing something with her to class. Whether she'd simply had it on her already by chance or had walked into his room planning _to blow it up_ was impossible to tell.

After reaching this conclusion, Severus had spent several hours on written theories on _what_ exactly she'd added. While the combinations that could cause a explosion were endless, combinations that resulted in no fumes and amplified the blast to the degree it had done, where thankfully not.

Ultimately, he was only left with three combinations that could have done it. He had no way of narrowing it further than that without some sample though. _NONE_ of those combinations made any sense unless the end goal was exactly what had happened. There was also the fact that making an explosion like that required you to completely disregarding every step in the recipe they were working on.

Her actions just before the blast all but confirmed it. The shield meant to funnel much of the force downward into the stone floor, knocking the Bulstrode girl to the ground, and her scream several seconds before the explosion.

He'd sat at his desk seething for nearly 40 minutes before he forced himself to meet with the Headmaster. That girl had deliberately done it. Severus had no doubt.

Albus of course was quick to point out that perhaps she'd accidentally added something by mistake, and being a clever girl, had noticed it but too late to stop the blast. Perhaps her actions had simply been quick thinking in a crisis situation.

When Severus had asked sarcastically where'd she gotten the additional ingredients then, Albus had simply replied that perhaps she'd used her own potions kit for some of the required ingredients and mixed them up by mistake.

Severus had raged for a while that the Headmaster couldn't possibly claim on one hand the girl was a blithering idiot after five years lessons and _mixed up ingredients by mistake_ while simultaneously calling her clever enough to not only identify her _mistake_ seconds after she made it and take immediate action to try and mitigate it.

Hermione Granger was many things. A blithering idiot wasn't one of them and they both knew it. He'd even had the audacity to suggest perhaps the superfluous ingredients might have been residue from a badly brewed potion made prior in that cauldron.

Severus was beside himself with frustration, "You can't possibly believe any of this nonsense you're trying to feed me."

Albus just pointed out there was no solid evidence. Only coincidence and conjecture. Even Severus could not come up with a motive.

"Do I believe in your analysis, yes, but without evidence of a crime Severus we can do nothing."

Albus at least had the decency to appear as if he wasn't enjoying himself Severus thought sarcastically.

"Evidence or not that girl very nearly _killed_ herself and _every one_ of her classmates. You can't just let that stand."

"What would you have me do Severus?" He'd asked gravely.

Though he dearly wanted to yell _expel her_ but he didn't. "Ms. Granger is to surrender her bag _to me_ at the beginning of each lesson. I have half a mind to force her to brew _naked_ to verify she has nothing on her person as well but I'll settle for her turning out her pockets. She will make all her potions using ingredients from the potion store, which I will verify is correct before she begins brewing."

For once Albus didn't fight it. "That sound reasonable and fair. We'll let Minerva know in the meeting. Shall we?"

They'd made their way to the staff meeting from hell after Albus had given his warning about unfounded accusations in front Umbridge.

All in all quite possibly one of the worst days Severus had had that didn't involve being _crucio'd_.

One thing Severus had made no mention of in either his meeting with the Headmaster or the staff meeting, was the failed diagnostic charm on Potter.

Perhaps he should have, but until he knew what was going on with the boy and had all his facts straight he wasn't willing to bring it up. The conversation with Poppy had been interesting though. According to her she used no special diagnostic charm on him and seemed bemused by the question to boot. This indicated she used the standard one he had used but hadn't gotten the same results he did.

Potter's proclamation that that charm wouldn't work on him meant not only something had changed since the last time Poppy had examined him, the the boy himself was aware of it but hadn't informed her.

He had another hour before the boy was due to arrive. He still wasn't convinced he'd use it but he wanted a charm that _would_ work before he met with him. Not being able to assess Potter's physical health was intolerable.

Severus then turned his mind to where Potter had been when the blast occurred.

He should have had his potions ingredients long before that time. Everyone else had not only retrieved the ingredients they'd needed, but had begun brewing. Everyone except for Weasley _and_ Potter.

Severus thought back, they'd been talking, no that wasn't right. Weasley had been hissing at Potter and Potter had been… what?

He'd have to use the pensive he'd borrowed from Albus to revisit the memory. He was sure Potter hadn't been talking though. Then seconds before the blast Potter was the cupboard. Was Weasley telling him what Granger was doing and to take cover?

That didn't make sense, the cupboard was big enough for several students at once. Weasley could have taken cover as well but had chosen not.

Still they'd been in on it. He was certain of that.

Severus went to his bookshelf and pulled out some medical texts, he started rifling through them to find a charm that would work.

He considered what this meeting with the boy would be like. _New relationship, trust,_ he reminded himself as he continued thumbing through the book.

As much as the latest turn of events made him want to mutilate the boy _and_ his friends he couldn't loose site of his goal. Ultimately, he needed to teach the boy occlumency. Everything else had be secondary to that.

 _There,_ he thought finding a spell that would work. If the diagnostic charm couldn't make any sense of it's reading on Potter than this should work. He committed the incantation to memory and sat back.

He still wasn't positive using the spell was a good idea despite feeling like this was a critical piece of puzzle he'd been missing up till now. Potter had seemed desperate for him to not attempt to examine him, or bring notice to the fact the spell wasn't working. Begged him even. He couldn't think of a time he had ever begged him for _anything._ Certainly not like that.

Whatever was going on was all connected; Potter's poor health, his performance in occlumency, his refusal to be examined, the failure of a charm that just didn't fail on it's own, all of it.

He thought back to Potter's friends performance over the day, helping him with breakfast, possibly his homework, if Minerva and Filius were to be believed that today was the first time he'd turned in on time assignments. _He left that class too_ he suddenly remembered.

The three of them had left Charms, apparently because Potter was ill. He hadn't gone to the hospital wing, and likely never intended to if he didn't wish to be examined. So was Potter actually ill or had they left for another reason?

He scowled. _Well that was as good as a motive as any,_ he thought. If Potter had said he was ill and needed to leave, Severus knew he wouldn't have allowed the boy to go without an explanation. He certainly wouldn't have allowed the boy's friends to accompany him. IF, and that was a big if, he let the boy go he would have had one of the Slytherin Prefects _escort_ him to the hospital wing.

That still didn't make any sense though. Blowing up the potion's class to get Potter out of class. It was ludicrous and reeked of desperation. It was the only thing that did make sense though. All of this was connected. Whatever was going on, the boy's friends knew and were helping cover for him. Going to extreme lengths to do so.

Well, that changed things slightly. If they were willing to risk _homicide_ to hide, than this had just gotten too dangerous to leave alone. He'd need to get at least some answers out of Potter tonight. He couldn't risk pushing the boy too far but nothing like what happened in his classroom could ever be allowed happen again.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHP

Harry made his way to Snape's office feeling like he was walking to his execution. He tried to rationalize with himself Snape had nothing to go on. All he had to say was those type of diagnostic charms had never worked on him. It could only hope Snape did not confer with Madam Pomfrey about it.

 _Just 8 or 9 weeks,_ he thought to himself exhausted. He just had to make it for 8 or 9 weeks without being discovered and this would be over. He'd never have to think on it again.

That he'd made it four and a half months in school without discovery was a miracle he knew. He'd also been very lucky to never have had a incident like this in Potions before. He knew that was literally his most dangerous class and by rights he shouldn't even be taking it right now.

He wasn't sure what he would have done if Hermione had not acted. He was still somewhat in shock over her actions. Of course he was grateful, but at the same time angry too. The only reason she had known _to_ act was because of what her and Ron had done earlier.

He understood they'd been worried. Understood they'd only been trying to help, were only trying to help still, but he was still furious. _They'd had no right_ he thought bitterly to himself. And still he couldn't shake the feeling he didn't want to be alone with them.

The feeling of being locked in that classroom brought back everything it felt like to be trapped. He hated it. It dredged up everything he was trying to forget. As the day had gone on he'd blamed Snape for it too. If he hadn't been so raw and exposed after occlumency last night he might not have broken down at all. He'd certainly never had an attack like that in a class before. If he hadn't melted down perhaps he quietly could have excused himself from Charms and Ron and Hermione wouldn't know.

Everything else aside, that was the worst part, the very worst outcome, _they knew._ Maybe not specifics but Hermione had pieced it together quickly enough. And he knew they'd question him further. They wouldn't let it rest like he wanted. Despite their assurances that they wouldn't say anything Harry couldn't stop the gnawing terror that they would.

As he approached the door to Snape's office that terror only grew. He stared at the door as if it was a dragon ready to devour him. _I can't do this, I can't do this_ he thought to himself frantically. He couldn't make himself knock on that door. _I'll have to risk it_ he thought turning to walk away. Hermione would be up and about soon. If they could just have the night to find a spell that would shield him than it didn't matter if Snape dragged him to the hospital wing.

 _I'll hide. Wait for Hermione._ He hadn't even made it two steps before the door opened. _Shit!_

"Mr. Potter," Snape drawled. He'd sensed the boy's approach through the proximity wards he had on his door. He'd waited several minutes for the boy to knock but he never did. It didn't escape his notice the boy was walking away despite his threats. Nor did it escape his notice that when Potter turned to look at him, his face was carved in stark terror.

 _He wasn't like this last night,_ Severus thought to himself. This partially confirmed his own half formed theory that Potter was hiding something. Something he feared discovered.

"Come in," he said holding the door open trying for as little inflection as possible. The boy looked ready to bolt. He needed him to trust him. Starting with a stunner to the back and bodily dragging the boy into his office wouldn't help him so he dearly hoped the boy wouldn't push it.

Harry hesitated for a moment, contemplating running for the hills. The only thing that stopped him was the certainty he'd have to explain himself. Probably to the Headmaster. In his condition it was also unlikely he could outrun Snape if he chose to pursue him.

Harry forced himself to breathe and turn around back to Snape's office. He could do this. He had been doing this for months. He could keep hidden. He just had to stay calm and make sure Snape didn't cast any spells on him.

His feet felt like they had iron weights attached as he put one in front of the other walking back into Snape's office. He walked past him quickly and made his way to the chair in front of Snape's desk without waiting to be told to sit. He just wanted to get this over with.

"Wise chose Mr. Potter," Severus couldn't help himself from commenting.

 _Pfft some choice,_ Harry thought.

"Initially, I'd planned on meeting with you anyway tonight to go over your future occupancy lessons. However it seems circumstances have changed."

Harry had allowed himself one brief moment of hope, Snape wasn't going to bring up the diagnostic charm, before it'd been crushed.

"Explain to me about the charm." Snape demanded in as mild a voice as he could. This was already challenging. Severus was finding it difficult to curb his normal reactions while in close proximity to the boy.

Harry took a deep breathe to center himself. "They've never worked on me is all, Sir." He said that and left it. Harry knew he wasn't a great liar so best to keep his answers short if he had any chance of making it out of here.

Severus narrowed his eyes. He already knew from talking to Poppy that that wasn't true. The boy was lying to him. First sentence out of his mouth was lies. He sat there forcing himself not to react for a moment and contemplated how he wanted to handle this. He could let the continue to lie to him and box him into a corner or he could call him on it outright. _Patience,_ he reminded himself. _Building trust._

"Potter, lets try something new shall we?" Severus finally said. "I know you are lying to me, no stop," he said as Potter made to say something, no doubt more lies, "I know you are because I've already spoken to Madam Pomfrey, that's not what is at issue here. Lying about potions ingredients or going to Hogsmeade is one thing, lying about something that could potentially cause you serious injury is something else."

Harry cringed throughout Snape's speech. He'd been caught and he knew it. Snape seemed to be taking special exemption to this for some reason. _Shit shit_

"Obviously there is something going on with you. It's effecting your health, it's effecting your school work, and though you don't know this yet it's also going to effect your ability to preform occlumency. Now I find out diagnostic charms don't work on you, meaning should you become injured, Madam Pomfrey would lose possibly valuable trying to discover the nature of your injury, possibly hindering her efforts to _save your life_. Once more you seem aware of this but have informed no one. What would you do if you were in my position?" Severus struggled to maintain an even tone but managed to succeed. _There let the boy answer that._

Honestly, Harry was taken of guard by the question. In truth, he didn't care if he was dying a horribly grueling death, so long as no one discovered the truth he was fine with it. Worse now Snape was acting weird and it was throwing him even more off balance. The way he'd worded his question brought Harry up short. "I… um don't know?" He answered quietly.

"Think about it for a moment Potter. You're a Professor at Hogwarts, one of your students has been rapidly declining in health for months, now you've discovered that diagnostic charms don't work on your student. Further, _your student,_ is aware of this and has been hiding it. This means your student will be in danger if he suffered a future injury, like what potentially could have happened in class today," Severus said all of this in as mild a voice as he was capable of. He needed Potter to use reason and form the right conclusions on his own. The outcome of this meeting was going to determine if he stood any chance with the boy at all.

"I don't know okay, I DON'T KNOW." Harry was frantic losing his temper. This was so much worse than he'd imagined. He could see what Snape was getting at but he didn't like it one bit. Snape didn't know. He didn't understand. This wasn't something you told.

Severus could see the boy dissolving into panic despite his angry retort. He wasn't angry he was _scared._ Severus forced himself to remain calm and continue again, "This isn't a right or wrong question Potter. I want to know what'd you do in that situation."

Harry, tried to remind himself of his decision to remain calm. _8 or 9 weeks_ he reminded himself again. If he could just get through this than they could find something to block diagnostics. Snape obviously was stuck on this point and wouldn't let him not answer. He tried to breathe and think. _What would I do,_ he cringed knowing the answer. There wasn't much of an out the way Snape had phrased the question. He thought about what McGonagall would do. She'd have already hauled him to the hospital wing he realized appalled.

"I guess I'd tell… Madam Pomfrey," he whispered.

 _Good_ thought Severus. At least the boy was capable of rational thinking. He'd planned on telling Poppy anyway but he'd needed the boy to understand why. Better to draw those conclusions on his own than Severus just tell what he was going to do and have the boy disbelieve him.

"Very well. After we're done here I'll give you the choice, I can inform Madam Pomfrey myself or you can inform her and I will follow up with her tomorrow evening to verify you've done as you said."

Harry's reaction was immediate and terrified. He realized he'd been clinging to some vague hope that even if Snape scanned him he still wouldn't understand the results. _Madam Pomfrey_ was a nurse. She'd know EXACTLY what was going on. "What no wait you can't. YOU CAN'T. _PLEASE_ I'm fine I swear. I don't need to see Madam Pomfrey," Harry was hyperventilating now. He could feel the walls closing in again _trapped, no way to get way_ "Oh god." He whimpered and dived for the bin next to Snape's desk and started heaving. _Not now, not here please._

Severus was immediately alarmed. He'd expected some sort of angry proclamation at his edict. He had not been expecting that. Lily had been prone to going off food when stressed, not becoming violently ill.

"Alright Potter just breathe," he said letting the boy carry on. There was nothing for it till he stopped.

Severus narrowed his eyes. He'd seen these kinds of terrified reactions before from other students over the years. They were always related to _abuse_. The terror at being discovered. Potter's reaction was on the more extreme scale but he'd seen that too. Potter's declining health, withdrawn behavior, rapid mood swings, he felt a gnawing sickness in his own stomach. This was painting a picture he was not happy with.

There'd been no previous signs though, nothing that Severus had seen anyway, not before this year. Had he missed this somehow?

After a bit Harry sat back wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Snape hadn't moved from seat though the chair had been moved to the side of the desk in front of Harry. _Too close_ was his immediate thought as he scrambled backwards so that his back was resting on the chair he'd just vacated. "You can't tell Madam Pomfrey you can't please, I'll do anything you want but, please don't tell her," he whispered brokenly.

Severus was both in familiar and unfamiliar territory here. Familiar because he'd dealt with abuse cases before. Unfamiliar because this was Potter and he'd never had a single positive interaction with the boy.

Severus sat back in his chair trying to give the boy some space to breathe. His frantic retreat had been hallmark of someone who doesn't like to be touched. He hadn't been prepared for this. Obviously something was going on with the boy but Severus hadn't allowed himself to form any preconceived notions when he made his resolution because he didn't want them clouding his interactions going forward. Potter was still visibly upset despite him no longer heaving in the bin. Much to upset to talk to.

"Alright Potter I need you to close your eyes and take deep breathes in, hold it for a count of 10 and release it for 10. Once I'm convinced you've calm satisfactorily, we will _discuss_ why you don't wish Madam Pomfrey informed."

Harry stared at Snape blankly for a second. _That wasn't a no,_ he thought to himself. He hadn't really expected Snape to relent but he had. "Breathe Potter. Like I told you." Harry closed his eyes and tried to do what Snape told him. He wasn't really keen to do it but if Snape was willing to not tell Pomfrey then he'd do as he asked.

"Good, now keep breathing but listen to what I'm saying," Snape had done this exercise with a number of students but never had he thought he'd be doing it with _Potter_ of all people. "You're at Hogwarts. You're in my office. There's no one here but you and me. I'm not going to harm you. You're safe here." Severus just kept repeating those statements for about 20 minutes until he could see the tension leaving the boy's shoulders. Slowly the boy started relaxing. After the 20 minutes Severus said, "Alright you can open your eyes now. Better?"

Harry did feel marginally better. It'd helped what Snape was saying. Reminding him where he was. He didn't feel particularly safe but he agreed that Snape probably wasn't going to hurt him. When he opened his eyes Snape was still sitting in his chair beside his desk. "Better," Harry finally answered quietly putting his head back.

He couldn't believe he'd just lost it in Snape's office. There was no way Snape was going to leave this alone. Harry should have felt panicked but after the turmoil of the day he just couldn't muster up the energy. I'd all just been too much today. Ron and Hermione, Potions, the hours of stress waiting for this meeting. Just too much.

"To have this conversation I need you to remain calm Potter. To that end, I'm going to give you a calming draught."

Harry would've laughed if he didn't want to cry. This was Ron and Hermione all over again minus the locking charms on the door. "No calming draught, I can't take them." Was all he said instead.

Severus paused. That was unusual. Calming Draughts were fairly mild potions. People in most conditions could take them. He briefly considered Potter was being a typically stubborn Gryffindor but discounted it. He said can't, not won't. Same way he'd known the diagnostic spell wouldn't work. Potter knew more about his own condition than Severus did right now.

"Very well, however should you feel yourself becoming overwhelmed again we'll stop and do the breathing exercise again until to calm. Agreed?" He'd have preferred the potion but he'd settle for this. At Potter's nod he continued. "Has this happened before?" Potter nodded. "Why did it happen now? What were you thinking of?"

"Trapped," Harry mumbled keeping his head back and his eyes closed. This was easier if he didn't have to see Snape.

"Trapped in this office or trapped by what I said," Severus asked. He needed to understand this so he didn't trigger Potter again. Hopefully the boy would cooperate with him and he could get the answers he needed to help him.

"You wanted to tell Pomfrey," was his dull answer.

That was about what he had expected but he'd wanted to be certain. It was worrying that the boy seemed to be distancing himself now though. Still Severus continued on. He'd tread carefully but he needed answers.

"Potter this is important so I need you to listen to me." Severus said making sure he had the boy's full attention.

Harry didn't look at Snape but he nodded to indicate he was listening.

"As a Professor I have an ethical duty to see to the physical well-being of my students. I'm _obligated_ to tell Madam Pomfrey anything that might impact the health of the students. That said it's obvious to me that speaking to Madam Pomfrey on your behalf would also cause you harm. To that end I propose a compromise, are you amenable to hearing it?"

Harry finally looked at Snape warily. That sounded both too good to be true and hopeful at the same time. Snape was being civil, down right nice to him even. He hated him, and Harry hated him right back. They'd never gotten along not since the first moment they'd met.

Harry certainly didn't trust the man. He chewed his lip thinking. He didn't really have a lot of choices here. "What compromise?" He asked finally deciding it couldn't hurt anything to hear Snape out. He'd be no worse off if he refused than he was now.

"Part of getting a Potion's Mastery is getting Healer certifications as well. While Madam Pomfrey is the _best_ qualified healer in the school, she's not the only one. If you will consent to answering some questions _honestly,_ I will _consider_ not bringing this to Poppy's attention immediately."

Harry tensed, that couldn't happen. He didn't know what types of questions Snape was going to ask but he didn't want to know. He didn't want to answer _any_ question.

"Potter breathe, in count of 10 and out for 10." The boy appeared to be on the verge of another panic attack. Clearly the boy didn't trust him. He needed to give him something. Some bone to chew on. Severus cringed. Oh he didn't want to do this. Only the memory of Lily and the knowledge of what she'd do if she ever saw her son right now gave Severus the strength to force his next words out.

"Just listen to my voice. I'm certain that no one told you this but your mother and I were friends growing up." Harry's eyes snapped open like he had been electrocuted, he was still hyperventilating though.

"Just close your eyes and breathe, breath in 10, that's right. I met your mother when we were 8. She was playing on the swings. She used magic to jump off and float to the ground. It was her favorite game growing up," Severus kept talking keeping his voice as soothing as possible. Once he started talking it got easier as he went. "She also liked to used her magic to grow flowers from the palm of her hand as well. She took great delight in gifting them to people. That's it breathe." He proceeded to continue account different things Lily had liked to do growing up. Severus remembered them all.

It took the boy less time to come down this time, only about 10 minutes. Whether that was from exhaustion or from what he'd been saying he didn't know. Still Severus was grateful. He sat for a moment quiet once Potter had gotten his breathing back under control again. He felt horribly exposed. He'd not planned on ever telling Potter about his mother. Still if Lily couldn't be here, she'd be glad her memory at least could be used to sooth her son.

"Was any of that true?" Harry asked quietly. He'd never heard such things about his mother before. Usually people just said he had her eyes. Remus had once told her "she was uncommonly kind," but that was the most he'd ever heard. His Aunt certainly never talked about her.

"Yes, Lily and I were as close as I suspect you and Ms. Granger are," Severus said stiffly. It was much harder to talk about Lily with her eyes looking back at him. He cleared his thought, "Now, I'm going to ask you questions. You are going to answer _honestly_. If a question is to difficult for you to answer you say so, however understand if I'm not satisfied with your answers the hospital wing will _have_ to be our next stop. As a Professor I don't have a choice in that unless I'm reasonably certain it's unnecessary. Do you agree?"

Snape knew his _Mum_. Not like just knew of her or met her in passing once or twice but _knew_ her. Like he knew Hermione. He thought about Hermione and all he knew about her. He knew loads. Her favorite foods, favorite color, even how she took her tea. Snape could know all that about his Mum. Seemed to even, as he thought about everything the Professor had told him. "Potter." Snape called when he'd been quiet for too long.

Harry had only vaguely heard what the Professor was saying still reeling for this discovery. His _Mum. "_ Um yeah… right… yes." He stumbled out.

"Yes you'll answer my questions honestly and only decline to answer those too difficult to answer?" Severus repeated. _Honestly_ he thought, _you'd think I'd hit him in the head with a bludger._

Truthfully, Harry was surprised he was being given an option to _not_ answer certain questions. He swallowed. If he didn't want to answer he'd just say so but, "And you won't tell Pomfrey, or anyone, not Dumbledore," Harry swallowed but continued he needed to be clear on this point, "Not Sirius or Remus."

Severus almost bit out a _Professor_ Dumbledore but thought better of it. So the boy wasn't just afraid of being found out but in particular the two mutts discovering the truth. That was unsurprising.

"I have very little reason to talk to either of them, and no reason at all to tell them private things about yourself. As for the Headmaster and Madam Pomfrey I've already told you under what circumstances I'd be compelled to speak to them."

Harry gnawed his lip. That was less than he'd hoped for but more than he could probably reasonable expect. He nodded.

"Very well." He started. "That you've been hurt previously goes without saying. Are you being injured currently at Hogwarts?"

"No." That was easy.

"Are you being or have you ever been hurt at home?"

That was less easy. How did he explain the Dursleys didn't like him much? "Um. No I guess."

Potter's reaction was confusing. He seemed unsure of what answer to give. Though he didn't react as if Severus had discovered his abuser. "Expand on that, what do you mean guess?"

"Well, the Dursleys, they don't much like me. The Dursleys, thats my Aunt and Uncle and Cousin Dudley. They don't like magic see, so they just don't… um like me…yeah."

Potter wasn't telling him every thing. He remembered Petunia Evans. No, she hadn't liked magic at all once she discovered she couldn't become magic herself. _Freak_ she'd called Lily. Severus remembered their occlumency lesson from the night before.

He hadn't been particularly happy with the memories he saw of Potter's family. Still his reaction was more embarrassed than alarmed. The Dursleys deserved further scrutiny but they weren't who he was looking for. He'd dismissed them for now to deal with at a later date. Severus started feeling cold. If it wasn't the boy's family…

"Very well move on but we'll come back to your family later."

"Has anyone from the Order ever injured you?"

"No. What…no of course not." That question threw him. The Order was the Weasleys and Sirus and Remus. They'd never hurt him.

This was the question he was dreading, once he'd ruled out the boy's family, being the most obvious candidates.

"Understand you don't need to give me any details right now unless you're comfortable doing so, you're safe here, a simple yes or no will suffice for now."

Harry didn't like this build-up. He had a feeling he knew what was coming next.

Severus had to word this next question carefully to avoid setting the boy off again. "Did the Dark Lord or his followers injure you greater than what you've revealed previously?"

Harry felt sick again as soon as Snape said _Dark Lord,_ though for once he didn't feel like he'd actually start throwing up. He couldn't answer that one. He couldn't. He started trying to breathe like Snape had told him to earlier and started shaking his head.

"No, they didn't or no, you don't want to talk about it?" Though Severus felt he had his answer. He felt nauseous. He _knew_ what the Dark Lord and his followers did to their victims. To was hellish to watch. He couldn't imagine enduring it.

" _I can't._ " Harry wheezed trying to catch his breathe again starting to sob. Why was Snape doing this to him? There was no way Harry could talk about that night. He felt like he was being gutted.

"Very well. You're at Hogwarts. You're safe. Just breathe in and out and listen," he said backing off. Severus started telling him about his first Christmas with Lily's family after they met each other. He told him what gifts they'd made and given to each other and what gifts Lily's parents had given to her. He then began to talk about Lily's parents. Lydia Evans and Jeffrey Evans.

It took the boy MUCH longer to calm down than it had the last two times. He almost wished it had been the boy's family. Child abuse he'd dealt with. Even sexual abuse in thankfully rare cases. He'd only ever dealt with a sexual assault outside of the family once. It wasn't any more or less traumatic, there wasn't a scale of better or worse abuse. It was all horrifying, all damaging. But if it had been the boy's family, he could be removed. They could be jailed and he'd never have to see them again. Severus was acutely aware that he couldn't promise the boy he'd never see another Death Eater or the Dark Lord ever again. He couldn't even really promise to protect him from them. Especially the Dark Lord.

He remembered the boy's feelings surrounding the night of the Dark Lord's return. Yes, he definitely had his answer he thought grimly. Potter's deterioration over the last school year made perfect sense. He'd seen other people destroyed utterly by the Dark Lord and his followers. That the boy was functional in any capacity showed great strength. His unwillingness to confide in the mutts also made sense. Most, if not all, abuse came with a great deal of shame but sexual assault especially did.

Throughout all his thinking Severus kept talking about the boy's grandparents. Eventually, the boy's cries quieted and his breathing was under control though he continued hiccuping.

There were a great many more questions Severus needed to ask but he knew the boy wouldn't be up for it. There was two more perfunctory question though he needed to ask.

"I need to ask two more questions Potter then we'll be done."

"I can't talk about it," he whispered. Harry was afraid of whatever question wanted to ask. He didn't want to ever think about this again. He just wanted to go back to his bed and sleep till Monday as he planned this morning. It seemed ages ago.

"I'm not going to ask you to talk about it right now," he tried to soothe the boy. He'd have to at some point in the future but not tonight.

"The first question I'm obligated to ask by law. I feel I already know the answer but I have to ask it anyway. Do you want to report this, either to the Headmaster or the Aurors?"

"NO," Harry said frantic. He didn't want anyone to know and now 3 people did. All in one day. The thought of yet more people finding out about this was just… no no, no one could know. It was vaguely laughable anyway. He'd already told them Voldemort was back and they didn't believe him. _Though,_ he thought slightly hysterically to himself, _they might have to believe me with me walking around with the proof inside me._ "They wouldn't believe me anyway." He whispered. "They don't even believe he's back, why would they believe he did this."

Severus cringed, he couldn't stop his reaction. He was grateful the boy was looking down and hadn't seen. He'd already suspected but the boy had all but confirmed it. The Dark Lord at least then.

"I feel I should _advise_ you that the Headmaster should know. However, unless you give me permission or unless I feel it is life or death that he know, I will not tell him."

"I don't want him to know. He'll tell everyone," Harry mumbled.

"I very much doubt that but regardless I shall honor your wishes for now. The last question I'm ethically bound to ask by my contract with the school. Again I feel I know the answer, but I need a verbal answer anyway. Are you still suffering any physical injuries or lasting physical effects from the assault?"

The assault. Harry had called it a lot of things in his head when he'd been forced to think of it. The assault was a new one. It sounded so clinical, cold, and yet somehow utterly failed at capturing the true violating nature of it.

"Potter you have to answer verbally. Yes or no and then we can move on from this."

Harry started to respond _no_ but realized he wouldn't be being honest. He wan't physically injured _per say_ but there was a lasting physical effect. A big one, growing daily. He wasn't sure if he could answer this one either.

"I… I can't answer that," he decided on.

Severus was instantly worried. He suddenly recalled all the other unanswered questions floating around the boy. The failed diagnostic, refusing to take a Calming Draught, despite it having made this experience less harrowing on both of them, leaving classes, _Granger_ going to the extreme of blowing up a potions class to get him out of class.

There was something else, some piece he was missing still. "That's not one of the questions you can decline to answer." Which was true. Severus needed an answer or he was _required_ to take the boy to the hospital wing.

Truthfully, Harry suspected Snape wouldn't let him not answer that question. That seemed like a question teachers had to ask.

He chewed on his lip thinking. Ron and Hermione already knew this. Snape knew about _it_. He said he wasn't going to tell anyone unless he had too. Harry'd have preferred a vow of absolute silence but he knew he'd never get that out of Snape. _It's not like it's any worse_ he thought _he knows the worst of it._

"And you won't tell?" He questioned again.

"Only under the circumstances I already specified." Severus was dreading this. He couldn't imagine what lasting injury the Dark Lord would have left on him nearly 7 months later. He did his best steel his nerves. Whatever it was, it was important he not react negatively. Certainly not take it out on the boy. While it was preferable he hadn't kept this secret and continued to do so it certainly wasn't unheard of.

Severus had been through this line of questioning more times than he cared to remember. The boy wasn't the first to keep his silence and he wouldn't be the last. The important thing was to start impressing on Potter that none of this was his fault and he wasn't alone.

Harry dithered for a bit. "How much do you know about the Black family," he finally asked.

That was an unusual question. And an alarming one considering the Dark Lord had suddenly taken an interest in the Black family library. Severus worried perhaps he'd been too hasty in believing he understood the Dark Lord's motivation there.

"Probably less than you do," Severus said keeping his tone even, letting the boy get to the point in his own time.

"You know about Metamorphs like Tonks though right?" Harry knew he was dragging this out but honestly any excuse not to have to say it.

"I'm aware that's a Black family trait, yes…" what was the boy getting at?

"Well my Grandmother on my dad's side was a Black…"

"Dorea Potter nee Black yes I'm aware of that as well."

"Well there's another Black family trait I got from her… It uh makes me different." He waited for Snape to say something but he just kept looking at him. He swallowed, "Hermaphroditemagus"

Severus narrowed his eyes thinking. He'd heard that term before… long ago during his studies for his Healer certificates. The latin of that term made it's meaning fairly obvious. Potter could shift genders like Tonks shifted hair color. There was that sicking dread again, he didn't want to finish that thought.

Potter seemed to sit up straighter like he was stiffening his spine for what he needed to do and took out his wand. He waved it over himself and… Severus closed his eyes. He told himself not to react but this was…

When he opened his eyes again Potter was staring down at his swollen stomach.

"Potter," he started to say. He was brought up short. _Enough_ he thought viciously to himself _pull yourself together._ "Potter," he started to say again. He needed to know the answer to this. The ritual the Dark Lord used was a virtual unknown. From what he'd seen of the Dark Lord it'd had lasting side effects, whether those side effects were intentional or not was anyone's guess. The Dark Lord was decidedly less than human. Virtually anything could be growing inside the boy. "Again I don't need details right now unless you wish to give them, a simple yes or no will suffice." He dearly hoped the boy wouldn't break down for this question because he needed the answer. "Is the Dark Lord the sire of that child?"

Sire. That wasn't the worst word Harry had ever heard. It was certainly better than the other one. He closed his eyes not looking at Snape and put his head back again.

"Yes, he was the only one." He whispered dully silent tears running down his face.

So much was implied in that sentence. _The only one_ meaning it hadn't been a group affair. _Small mercies for that_ thought Severus although, that was in line with everything he knew about the Dark Lord's obsession with the boy. He'd want to be the one to break him. _The only one_ reminding him just how young the boy in front of him was and _what else_ had been taken from him. _Very well then,_ he thought _the child will have to be examined._ Merlin only knew what the Dark Lord had spawned.

The implications of this were staggering. If the Dark Lord ever found out… If the wizarding world found out Potter was carrying the Dark Lord's child. Severus cringed. Though he'd had other reasons for his silence, Potter had done the right thing by not spreading this around.

This had more potential for devastation than the prophesy did. And it was more vital than ever that Potter close his mind. The Dark Lord could not be allowed to see this.

And now Severus had all the answers to the blast as well. Blue cohosh, one of the ingredients Granger had _not_ used. If someone had steeped it too long in the potion it would have released fumes that would have undoubtedly sent the boy into labor. He had the thought before Granger's actions reeked of desperation. He'd been right. _So Granger and Weasley know._

Charms class had been working on stunning charms. Another dangerous activity for someone pregnant. Another staged escape from class.

Severus thought back as best he could to what he knew about Hermaphroditemagus. What Potter was doing was extremely dangerous. He should have shifted genders months ago. If Poppy had known about the assault, and if she'd known what Potter was, she'd have… well she'd have prevented this… but absent that she'd have cast a spell to force Potter's body into the female and stay that way.

It was possible at Potter's age he didn't have full control of his ability, making him pregnant as a male even a possibility. Potter wasn't going to drop dead tonight Severus decided. A few more nights was no more dangerous than what he'd been doing for months. The boy was well past his endurance and frankly so was Severus.

"Very well. You fulfilled your end of the bargain by answering my questions honestly. As promised I'll discuss not bringing this to Madam Pomfrey."

Harry looked at Snape dully. He wanted to rage that Snape couldn't tell anyone about this but he was just too worn out to do it.

"The requirements are simple ones. You are in need of a healer. As I stated before while Madam Pomfrey is the _best_ qualified to assist you she isn't the only one. I, too, am a fully qualified healer," he doubted anyone was qualified for this but didn't voice that, "So the agreements is as follows. You will come see me as often as I deem fit. You will submit to being examined. On this point, given your history, I'm willing to work with you to a point. There's a number of different things we can do to make it less uncomfortable for you. You will _not_ lie to me or keep anything from me regarding you health. You will follow the directions I give you to the best of your ability and if for some reason you are unable to follow them you will be honest and say so so that other arraignments can be made. In exchange I will maintain my silence as demanded by my Healer's vows, meaning I will reveal your private information to no one unless it is a life or death situation. Agreed?"

That perked Harry up. He didn't know anything about Healer vows but it sounded like if he agreed Snape _couldn't_ tell anyone. He dithered a bit over what a life or death situation might be but decided it didn't matter. The alternative was Snape could tell anyone he wanted _and_ would drag him to Pomfrey. He didn't much like the idea of being examined either but it sounded like Snape already planned on making it as painless as possible for him.

"What directions?" He asked sticking on that point. He didn't want to be trapped into doing something like tell the Headmaster.

"Directions only related to your health. Potions you should be taking, sleep, diet and so forth. You still need to learn occlumency. That is more vital now than ever. The Dark Lord CANNOT be allowed to know about this. For your safety and… the child's. There are several strategies we can employe to make your learning occlumency a possibility. Right now your mind is not in a fit state to learn it."

Harry nodded. None of that sounded too terrible. Well, not more terrible than what he'd been doing all along.

"So I won't have to go to Madam Pomfrey for anything?" He still wanted to clarify.

"No. Madam Pomfrey and I have a standing agreement. Some students are more comfortable with me than her. For that reason once I take over your medical file from her she'll know that should you land in the hospital wing for something life threatening she is to stabilize you and summon me immediately. For non-life threatening injuries she is to wait for me."

"Slytherins," Potter mumbled thoughtfully. He didn't tell Potter this was an agreement they'd put in place for abused children regardless of house, nor did he plan to. Potter didn't need to feel like he was being labeled. Let him think what he wanted on that point.

"Is that an agreement?" He asked.

Harry only hesitated a second this time. "Yeah. I can live with that."

"Good, am I right in assuming Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger are aware of all of this?" He asked. He already knew the answer to that but he wanted to be sure. One never knew with children. There was a rare possibility they didn't.

"Yeah they know," he boy confirmed quietly. "The know most of it anyway. None of the details."

"Very well. When Ms. Granger is out of the hospital wing I shall summon them both. They'll be learning occlumency as well," Severus would have to make up some excuse for the Headmaster but it didn't matter. Nothing was more important right now than locking down this information. He'd extract unbreakable vows from them if he had too.

Harry floundered a bit at that. Snape was _actually_ helping him. And he'd been pretty decent the whole night too. It was surreal. He nearly felt the need to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

"The first direction I'm giving you is this. You'll be staying in my quarters tonight. I have a spare room and you don't need the stress of your classmates tonight."

Harry wanted to protest thinking Hermione would be waking up soon but a quick look at the clock showed it was already past curfew. That and he didn't think Snape would take kindly to Harry protesting his first "healer's orders." Harry sighed and nodded.

 _Good_ thought Severus. He had no delusions Potter wouldn't balk eventually but better they not start out with an argument. He needed access to the boy tomorrow anyway. First for his examination and second to start on his meditation so he could prepare his mind to learn occlumency.

Severus also simply didn't want the boy alone. After their conversation, he'd likely have nightmares and need assistance. He also ended to assess if the boy had any suicidal tendencies that needed dealing with.

 _Truly the worst day ever that didn't involve a crucio_ he thought to himself. There was much work to done.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHP

 _AN: Wheew That was difficult. Thankfully this should be the last one of those. Harry is finally in the hands of someone who can help him. It'll be less about keeping it secret and more about helping Harry deal with his issues._

 _Future Harry is still out there somewhere and she's got her own bit coming up. Not to mention the future Ministry lags. Plus order meetings about the maelstrom. All in all this was the hardest bit done. While it seems like this was the bulk of the plot its not. Harry's trauma while important, is more the catalyst for how we get from here here to badass future Harry punching holes in time and being referred to by people who fear her as "the creature."_

 _On a side note, I realize this probably did feel similar to Ron and Hermione finding out but the dynamic is different here. Where Ron and Hermione are Harry's peers and didn't have any right to force the information from him, Severus is a Professor. As soon as he suspected Harry was hiding abuse he had a duty to investigate it, either by questioning Harry or having him see Madam Pomfrey. He also gave him choices within the limits he had. He never locked Harry in as well (grrrr) though Harry probably felt plenty trapped by the situation._

 _He did his best to not re-traumatize him while trying to find out if he was in immediate danger. Harry clearly didn't want to talk about it and sometimes that's ok. Snape did his_ job _to get the answers he needed without forcing Harry to discuss it, where Ron and Hermione have a tendency to push and try to "fix it._

 _Next update should be this weekend._


End file.
